Kristanza

2011-01-18T08:22:00.000-08:00

Hi, I'm writing here now.

I've been in a season where God is calling me to write with a more specific purpose, as opposed to sharing my heart here when He calls me to. So, in an effort to be obedient, I am switching my efforts to encouraging teen girls, which is a huge passion of my heart. Check it out!

re-creation

2010-09-08T13:34:00.000-07:00

I forgot how much I love love LOVE Nichole Nordeman. Her music is so poetic and peaceful.

This song is moving my SOUL today.

Every evening sky, an invitation
To trace the patterned stars
And early in July, a celebration
For freedom that is ours
And I notice You
In children’s games
In those who watch them from the shade
Every drop of sun is full of fun and wonder
You are summer

And even when the trees have just surrendered
To the harvest time
Forfeiting their leaves in late September
And sending us inside
Still I notice You when change begins
And I am braced for colder winds
I will offer thanks for what has been and was to come
You are autumn

And everything in time and under heaven
Finally falls asleep
Wrapped in blankets white, all creation
Shivers underneath
And still I notice you
When branches crack
And in my breath on frosted glass
Even now in death, You open doors for life to enter
You are winter

And everything that’s new has bravely surfaced
Teaching us to breathe
What was frozen through is newly purposed
Turning all things green
So it is with You
And how You make me new
With every season’s change
And so it will be
As You are re-creating me
Summer, autumn, winter, spring

The lyrics are so pretty...and are making me think about God's ability to recreate and rejuvenate and re-purpose us over and over and over again. It completely doesn't matter how much we screw it up. God is like the most amazing loving repair shop ever who can mend the most broken of hearts. This song reminds me of what we teach the kids about "God sightings." It doesn't mean you're adding anything, it means you are looking at the world with a "God-lens." Seasons to some people can just be stuff changing and weather changes. But with a "God-lens" it suddenly becomes this beautiful transformation that reminds us of how God constantly changes our hearts and helps us grow.

I love learning how to love bigger.

in today's news...

2010-08-23T12:29:00.000-07:00

"Your life is a life of blessings. I take joy in watching

you live. I love seeing you happy. But even more, I love

seeing you grow. I love seeing you be dependent on Me.

I love watching you try something new, even if you fall

down after a few steps. I love when you take chances,

stop hesitating and run full speed ahead when you feel

My push. I didn't make you to sit on display, unharmed,

untouched, for everyone to watch and smile at you.You

are going to be saturated with My very heart-but your

have to get out of your display case.Take courage, My

dear one. Be willing...

your life is so safe, Kristin...your life is so

s.a.f.e"

-God

prayer life

2010-07-27T08:46:00.000-07:00

Have you ever heard anyone say "the love life you have is exactly the love life you want?"

I heard that yesterday and started thinking about the other kinds of 'lives' we have, specifically our prayer life. And I definitely think we have exactly the kind of prayer life we want. Meaning, if we really wanted one, or a deeper one, we would do it. We would have it. We would make the time. It's up to us. God's ready when we are.

I'm a list girl, so I have been trying to nail down some of the characteristics of the prayer life I want, and the steps I need to take to get there.

Here are a few:

-I want my prayer life to be full of joy.

Whether things are going well or not so great,
spending time with God creates an irreplaceable joy that
lives inside...and that helps bring beads of joy into even the
roughest situation. I don't think that kind of "optimism" or whatever you
want to call it doesn't just happen. It's not a natural response.
The joy builds from faith and trust in Christ.

-I want my prayer life to be fun.

Believe or not, prayer and spending time with Jesus
can be really fun. Though there is definitely a time for contemplative,
quiet, serious prayers, it's not my day to day style. I like to be loud,
I like to laugh, I like to be dramatic in the presence of the King.

-I want my prayer life to be spontaneous.

Sometimes it's important to plan, especially when you're
trying to create habits. But I also want to leave room for complete
spontaneity so God has room to move and work without me trying to
direct our time together every day. Plus, really amazing things can happen
when you don't plan every second out (and trust me, I AM a planner).

-I want my prayer life to be inclusive.

When I pray with others, I want them to feel drawn in. I want to stay open
to what God can do through people coming together to praise the Living God.
I want to be open and welcoming and challenging.

Oh, my God You've turned Your eyes
now my heart can come alive.
only You have come to find me
only You have come to pull me out
only You have come to save me
no one has ever loved me
like the way You love me...
wrap Your arms around me.
-etwc "save me"

pure worship

2010-07-22T13:27:00.000-07:00

I really connect to God through music. Along my journey I have found that lots of other people do, too. Hense, I'm very into sharing music God uses to form my heart and annoint my spirit and to guide me along the way.

Currently, I have been digging into some old worship favorites of mine. I'm working on creating a prayer space in my house, and it has been so fufilling to dedicate it as a sacred space as I work on it. So, I have been listening to cd's from college that really blessed me at significant moments in my life And now, six years later, are continuing to have a significant impact on my spirit.

The cd's are from a collection called "Enter the Worship Circle." Here are four things I LOVE about these cd's:
1) It's very raw.

If you're looking for perfect pitch 100% of the time, with incredibly timed harmonies...this is NOT it.
But it is real and emotional and freeing worship.

2) The are original songs.

I don't know about you but I get sick of the same old worship songs after awhile.
So discovering new worship is very refreshing and worthwhile to me.

3) The lyrics are convicting.

They don't mess around with worshiping the Holy Spirit.
Their lyrics get right to your heart and they're truthful.
They don't shy away from human nature, sin, anger and disobedience.
They sing about God in a fresh, loving way and they sing with such beautiful abandon.

4) It's so Spirit-led.

This stuff is for real. It's totally Spirit led, and you can tell from the first track.
Some songs are three and a half minutes, and some songs are ten.
They are in it solely to worship and lead others into it. I love it.

SO-check it out!

God's enough

2010-07-19T21:05:00.000-07:00

God is teaching me a lot about patience. To wait on His timing, not mine, is so unsettling sometimes because somehow I think that I know better and I'm slacking off when really the Lord is prepping me for what lies ahead..even minute to minute. So when the slacking off happens, I'm only hurting myself because then when things come my way I feel slammed. God's still there, of course, but it feels different, as if I ran away from Him a bit.

Psalm 73 is still really speaking to my heart this week. It comes up every now and again and I just find myself in the same kind of rut...looking at others wondering why they seem to have it better and why things I'm going through things and why certain things don't seem to be getting better. But in the end God is enough. The world really has nothing we need. It's a very freeing truth.

I'm also learning that more about God's love. Each time I get a glimpse of how truly incredible His love is, and my capacity to love grows. The fact that God not only just loves us while we deal with stuff-good or bad- but He loves us THROUGH stuff. We don't have to worry about God being offended or feeling left out or taking something the wrong way or anything...because it's unconditional love. When we're angry at God or confused or hurt or sad or broken or whatever...God just loves us THROUGH each and every step of the way. That is very different...verrryyy different from the way I love people. I need to work on that.

Tangled up
In the great ridiculous
Way you love
it is the only way to live
There’s no escape
When you look at me that way
-"my only"

vbs

2010-06-18T05:48:00.000-07:00

Heavenly Father, place your holy hand upon our plans. We lift up to you Vacation Bible School and every child that will be with us next week. In these next two days, may we prepare a place for kids to meet you, or know you deeper. Where there is stress, put peace. When things seem out of control and hectic, show us the majesty of your unique creations. Thank you for the plan that you have for each of the ministers and each of the children. You are Almighty and we trust you with each and every day.

We pray specifically for the kids who don't yet know you and your amazing power. Who don't know that you are their Father who loves them more than anything and created them so unique and special. May they catch a glimpse of who you are and how badly you want to be their best friend.

We pray specifically for the ministers who will be serving with us. Bless them in powerful ways. Send the Holy Spirit to pour energy, enthusiasm and love into them. We thank you for sending them for our team. Use the gifts you gave them to help them serve cheerfully and be a reflection of your love.

You are the Author of our lives, and this week is another chapter you have scripted. May we acknowledge your presence at every turn. Thank you, Father, for the blessings and the opportunity. We pray all this through Christ our Lord, Amen.

****
Join us in prayer and intercession for vbs: Start TODAY (or whenever this is read) and pray with us everyday at 3:00pm until next Friday, June 25.

Called

2010-06-03T15:52:00.000-07:00

I am doing some new exercises which involve taking a scripture passage and rewriting it as it connects to your life. It is not meant to "trump" scripture in any way but rather to personalize the words of Christ and reflect on them. It is helpful.
God has been pushing me to share the faith aspects of my heart. I am typically a private person and although I love conversation and reflection, I tend to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself. While that can be good and admirable at times, it can also lead me to over privatizing things and keeping God's work in my life to myself. While guarding your heart can be good...God's work is MEANT to be shared. God shares with us and works in our life so that we may testify to it. So, I'm working on being better at that. In the spirit of that goal, here is one of my attempts at Scripture connection (which is what I call it). I highly recommend trying it.

Here is the scripture:

Ephesians 1: 3-14
3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. 4For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love 5he[a] predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— 6to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. 7In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace 8that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. 9And he[b] made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, 10to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment—to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ. 11In him we were also chosen,[c] having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, 12in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory. 13And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, 14who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession—to the praise of his glory.

Here is my rewriting:

Thanks be to God, my Father, who blessed me, Kristin, with everything I could possibly need. From basic needs like food, water, shelter, health and clothes, to relational needs like family, friends, peers and coworkers, new people to meet. To material/physical needs like warm blankets, good food to eat, fun games to play, things to learn, money to purchase fun things, new stuff to try, hobbies and talents to explore and new technological things. Especially spiritual needs such as trust and confidence in Christ, a new identity in His name, hope in the promises of today, and love for each other in the name of Jesus.
The way He sees me, Kristin, and the way that He chose me is very specific to my heart. The way he looks at me is special-He calls me holy. He sees no shame in my heart. When he sees me, He delights in who He has made me to be. He sees me, Kristin, as no one else does-because He sees all of me and yet loves me the most unconditionally.
Because He has chosen me purposefully, He has made me to be his precious daughter. His daughter in all aspects, not just in name only in an adopted sense, but in a completely whole way. He has chosen me from the beginning. It stirs His heart to see me live as He made me. His heart breaks when mine does. He laughs and smiles as I dance about from day to day. I delight in my Father and He delights in me.
Because He loves me, He delights in me. He has freely given me a childlike heart that desires things that are pure and good. He has taken special care in the way He has made me. He has placed in me a love for people, and a concern for their hearts. He has woven through my life a special call on my life that will lead me to extraordinary things.
Because of his death on the cross, He has forgiven me of everything I have ever done. He knows my heart longs for Him, and yet He knows my imperfections. He knows my heart wanders and longs for normalcy and to be blended within a crowd, and to not stand out all the time. He knows I desire to be liked, and sometimes will go to drastic lengths to prove it. He knows the moments when I get irritated and defensive, and how I can use my thoughts as weapons. Still he loves me fully and wholly.
He has given me, Kristin, a deep understanding of how He longs for His children to come to Him. He has anointed my mouth with his amazing love for everyone He created. He has given me wisdom and understanding for the urgency of His message to be spread, even in the tiniest of hearts.
Everything He does for me is for my good. All of the things He has led me to and through have worked together for my good. He sees the big picture. Even though things seem hazy and confusing and overwhelming, my God is at my side. Even though I feel out of my element, God doesn’t waste time and energy. Even though the grapes on the vine don’t seem like they are doing anything productive or moving forward, they need that time on the vine so they can grow.
God knows the perfect timing for me and this situation. He knows when things will start to feel better and when things will stop hurting. He knows what I am feeling each day before I tell Him. He knows how I hide my feelings and pains mostly. Still everything works together for the good and everything good comes from God.
Through this, I will praise His name. I will give glory to the one from whom all glory comes from. Christ desires my life to be a reflection of who He is. May my life reveal His glory in good situations and in bad ones.
God has marked me with His blood. He has set me as a seal on His heart. He has purified my soul and called me His beautiful little girl. In Him, I am everything and in Him, I am complete.

beautiful things

2010-05-20T13:42:00.000-07:00

it's amazing what a little bit of sacrifice can do for you. I am trying to adapt the attitude (or rather, God has adapted it for me) of taking the emphasis off of me. It's been there way too long, and I've swam in the pity and I've drenched myself in the pain and I've been saturated with the pride for a long long time. This season has been like a hot shower so far, letting everything melt away. I feel the Lord's strength rising up in me. It's very very slow...but at least it's there.

How amazing it is to know that God carries us through times of helplessness and confusion! I don't even know how to explain how I feel. I'm leaning more into worship and how to really *worship* and what it means to do so. What does it mean to have a life built on worship? How do I give back to God what is His? That's worship. He blesses us so that we may learn what is means to give, and to love. We always forget that sometimes. I can be so possessive of the dumbest stuff...and then only later do I realize what a silly fool I have been. I should be grateful for the opportunity to share and give away and to donate! Because really, none of this is mine anyways. And where will it get me? And why does it matter whether or not I possess it tomorrow? Sometimes I think I look at my life as a nice little set up playset that I need to keep nice and upstanding and clean. When I was little I spent hours and hours setting up and making barbie playsets or little kitchen playsets look perfect. By the time that was finished, it was time to put it away..so my entire enjoyment existed in the maintenance and the look of the whole set up. Only now do I see that as kind of weird...

I want to learn to bask in the beauty of the spontaneity of God. My heart needs to learn to be in a state of readiness to be used for whatever, whenever. To me, that is what purpose means. Your purpose is to be ready. For what...you don't always know...But if Christ is living IN you, than you have no need to fear. The Lord did not create us to have a heart fo fear. His love drives it out!

Jason Upton gets this Word in one of his songs, while he's worshipping... and he goes into this interlude that goes "don't mess up my hair don't mess up my hair..don't let me look like a mess before the people..." and it has CONVICTED me.

God is the one who makes the beauty come. God is the creator who is the master creative mind who DEFINES beauty.

God has led me to this new song. It's very heart twisting.

You make beautiful things.
You make beautiful things out of dust.
You make beautiful things.
You make beautiful things out of us.

Dangerously Prayerful

2010-04-12T13:57:00.000-07:00

We're doing a series at Nativity called "Dangerous Church," and of course, God has been moving me towards dangerous prayers. Prayers that can be kind of scary to pray, because God will take it and run with it...and it's going to be hard and shaky and dangerous.
I have a new singer I love. Her name's Kathleen Carnali, and she's got this song called "Dangerous Prayer." It's def the prayer of my heart right now...or at least I want it to be.
It's funny how God brings stuff at just the right time.

Blooming

2010-04-09T08:58:00.000-07:00

God has been showing me a lot about spring and change and growth.
I celebrated my 25th birthday last week, and was blessed with a seemingly overdue great day with people I love.

After the busy Easter season, I'm slowly getting things together. I'm starting to decorate my house more, starting to experiment with recipes again,trying to find places to run in my new neighborhood, and finding new interests and hobbies like gardening. It's been busy!
God has been busy, too. He's been doing a lot in my soul. One of the things that I really appreciate about my relationship with God is how well He knows me. God knows I to get my attention big time, lots of little dots need to connect. From songs I hear on the radio to books I'm reading to conversations with strangers and friends...it all needs to string together topically. and then for me usually there is an "aha!" moment when I begin to breathe a big easier and rest in God's providence. Some big changes are happening in my life (which is very much in theme with all the crazy life changes that happened in 2009) and it's going to be interesting to see where things go. But I do know that God is shaking up previous expectations I had about life, which is comforting to me because I wasn't sure how things were supposed to work and feel like. It's sometimes like an identity crisis, sometimes like a confused person, sometimes like a kid trying to be grown up...and it can be a bit overwhelming.

But I also feel relief in the fact that I think lots, if not all, twenty somethings go through this around this time. I take comfort in knowing that if everyone else made it through this period in their life-I will, too. And not only make it through, but perhaps I can grow, continue, flourish and press harder into my relationship with God than ever before.

There's a tree outside my home. And I have been watching some of the other trees in my court bloom these past two weeks. Some red leaves, some white flowers...all kinds of things. I have been waiting and waiting for something to grow. It's like cementing my new life in my new house. It symbolizes home I think.
And today... the tree finally bloomed. And not only that, but check out what flowers I got:

Oh yea, God knows me well all right. :)

Universal Church

2010-03-22T09:07:00.000-07:00

God is so incredibly huge.

If nothing else, that is surely the reality He is repeatedly throwing my way. I have been really deeply moved by so much lately. Sometimes in positive ways and sometimes not.

Recently I have been reflecting on how to accommodate the intense love for those in Nigeria.I went to Nigeria in 2007 and though I don't often speak of my experiences, they are continuing to shape me. I think of them often and sometimes, the people I met stay in the forefront of my mind all day long.

God is such a great big Lord who breathes life into us in America and cares about us stressing about a disagreement with a friend...and yet breathes the SAME life and hope and faith into an African village who wonders, but never gives up, where their next meal is coming from. Who join together in worship and raise their hand to the Lord and marvel at the marvelous things He has done! It's amazing to attend something like Mass too...and see the universality of the Church...and people who have so much hope when things appear so lost. Who hug and laugh and cry and smile and high five just like anybody-but with a passion for life I have rarely seen.It's like prayer is the fuel on which they run by-and that is how I want my life to be....

You can never really explain feelings like that...to really begin to understand what matters and what doesn't. To worship with those who don't speak your language and to immerse yourself in the beauty of another culture. Where people rely and fully depend on the God we sometimes choose to thank for the blessings He gives us. Like for so many I met, their DAY is like a walking prayer. Their life is on loan from the Lord-and they know it. They live in service to Him and it's evident in every single thing that they do. Being around them makes you want to be closer to God. They make you WANT to spend time with Him. It was like a window into the very path to the heart of God. I seem to spend a lot of time wondering when the victory is coming and how i can get ready and keep fighting and I read the most awesome thing is the "Utmost" devo today. The victory IS here...the battle is still here, too...and the fight but we are not fighting in order to win...the fight comes when we surrender our wordly weapons and accept what the Lord gives us with which to fight! The fighting is to get over ourselves and our wills and our consistent desire to have things our way and to choose NOT to hear God's voice. Instead of shutting us out when we do that, God allows us to strengthen our hearts but fighting through-with a guarantee to win. And yet somehow we still get so discouraged and so brokenhearted at the sight of us potentially losing-forgetting that Jesus already won EVERYTHING!

And also, its amazing to me to see how inadequate I really am to be a soldier for the Lord. I mean, we...as humans are so broken and weak. All of us...and yet the more I read the scriptures...the more I realize that Jesus spent so much of His time with the inadequate. And God never raised up the perfect human specimens who would do everything right the first time and wouldn't doubt and would trust and love others like He did. He took people....and makes all things NEW! He turns broken into whole, messy into clean....despair into hope. That includes the people who followed Him. We don't have to be down on ourselves and eat the scraps from His table. Instead He invites us to have the place of Honor (crazy, right?) next to Him. He says "You are my BELOVED!!!!" Wow, man. Psalm 147:3-5:

3 He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds.

4 He determines the number of the stars
and calls them each by name.

5 Great is our Lord and mighty in power;
his understanding has no limit.

There's so much in my life that screams PURPOSE but I have noooooooo idea what the purpose is. I'm learning how to keep trust and high spirits even when I feel like collapsing and/or crawling into a teeny ball. God is so very much on our side...and He cares so much-even about the small stuff. Such a faithful, extremely beautiful God...

exercise

2010-03-22T09:01:00.000-07:00

A lot of times I put time with the Lord on the same level as exercise. I think "okay I really need to fit it into my schedule at least four times a week, and I'm going to have to get used to it, because hey, I need this to take care of myself for the rest of my life." So, I'm again trying to get into a normal exercise schedule. With having to quit the gym, it is interesting to find out what kinds of things I can do at home and around my neighborhood. I am still finding out my limits and goals and what I enjoy doing and what is giving me the best workout and all that business...but how is that even comparable to any kind of relationship with God!? Exercise for me, at least right now is just something to get through. Something that I know is good for me, I know that I need, and I know is everlasting and needs to be a part of my life. I really have to stop doing that. Our relationship with God is not just part of our lives. It is the only thing worth living AND worth dying for. It's the only thing that makes my heart truly happy, where all good things come from and what comforts, heals AND fulfills the innermost desires of our hearts!

To try and compare that kind of relationship with ANYTHING ELSE is just plain ridiculous.

But also, Lord, aid me in recognizing the joys of getting to know You better, and not focus on what I am lacking on, or what I am doing wrong in attempting to live this life of faith. It is the most precious gift in the world that You would give love to someone as unworthy as me, and I know this, but I need to really love myself as You do. I need to see the value in myself, and all the gifts and talents You continually to help me discover on a day to day basis. I am nothing without You, and yet in You I want to become everything You made me to be.

Penny for your thoughts

2010-03-10T19:31:00.000-08:00

Here's what I'm thinking...

I really enjoy watching a TV show each week. It's fun to look forward to and talk with lots of people about it and just be part of this intelligent show's fan base. (I'm watching LOST by the way).

God has really been blessing my finances. I'm trying to finish up some student loan stuff, and I have been pushing myself. With buying my first home, it is taking me some time to get used to all the expenses and such. But just in time, God has been blessing me with money from random places. Not in overabundance, but with just around what I need to keep my goals. As if I needed further proof that God really takes care of your finances especially when you are honoring God with them. He seriously, seriously does. It's amazing, and sometimes weird. Tithing=changed my life. I highly encourage it.

I'm talking at Uprising tomorrow night. I've been trying to press in God to really share His words about how beautiful being broken can be. I have a feeling I won't get the message until like two minutes before Uprising, but hey, it'll work out.

Today was a stressy kind of day. I want to learn how to handle those kinds of days better.

In a week and a half, I will finally have a couch in my home! Then all are welcome to visit. Just kidding, you're welcome now, but there's limited seating!

I'm so very very tired. But so very very unable to fall asleep. Hence, posting thoughts.

That's all for now!

Activity

2010-02-27T06:46:00.000-08:00

These past two weeks have had a lot crammed into them. Lots of activities happened, lots of emotional things happened and lots of conversations happened. But when I sat back today I realized that God has been giving me a lot to soak in. Sometimes that just happens I think. When we have a lot going on and we're busy, God obviously knows that, and knows we're going to need some fuel. Not like sleep fuel (though that is very important) but like spiritual food. And I don't think that spiritual things don't always mean directly related to Christ or faith. It certainly can, but it doesn't have to. For example, I was given a ticket to a Casting Crowns concert by great friends and it was a really great time with God for me. They spoke great words of wisdom, and I felt transported back to the times when I had first heard some of their songs. God reminded me of his faithfulness and longevity in our lives.It was a good spiritual experience.

But then last night I spent over two hours talking with my mom about a lot of things. And that was just as much a spiritual experience, too. Because while most of our conversation wasn't God related, God showed up. He gave us a great opportunity to realize that even though we don't live in the same house anymore, our relationship can still be strong if not stronger than before. These things feed our souls and remind us of how God made us for relationship. And by drawing into these good, healthy relationships, we can also draw closer to Him.

PS: If you have 20 minutes free in the course of the week, go here and watch the video podcasts from Nativitys new series, Sfumato. From experience, listening to it in the quiet of my house really focused a second time gave me a whole new experience and really challenged me. God will show up for sure.

I close with some photos of recent activities:

CAKE DECORATING :)

Everyone needs a cotton candy break in their workday!

Casting crowns concert!

2010-02-15T11:39:00.001-08:00

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”
-C.S. Lewis

Stands Forever

2010-02-15T06:33:00.000-08:00

I have been blessed with some really amazing friends and family. I need to keep saying that and reminding myself of how truly blessed I am. It's amazing how Jesus hears us, and answers in His own way...and speaks to us through those in our lives. God just manifests himself through our friends and family, or even people we don't even know! He leads us to foster the relationships thats He knows we need at the very moment that we do. God has been telling me that I need to steward my time better. I have been working o that for awhile but it was in terms of what I'm doing with and for myself. Now I feel I need to build on some relationships that He has blessed me with.

The Lord lately has been moving in various situations...and I am able to see that the only reason that He can is because I recognize I have NO idea what to say, I have NO idea how to help..and surrender any power I may have had. I hope to spread that kind of submission to more areas of my life.It is a relief knowing that Jesus takes the burdens..

Something else the Lord has been showing me is what we gain through loss. Whether it be losing a loved one through dying or it is losing a friend because that season of friendship is over....even though the hurt remains and sometimes it feels unlike anything every described or felt before.... we gain, too. That focus and dependence, no matter how large or how small, that was focused on that person and that relationship HAS to go to Jesus, because it can't go anywhere else-we're too weak to search for something else...we're tired and depleted and look to the closest thing around us-and that's where Jesus is waiting for us. That only deepens our dependence on Him and makes us a little less blind to the amazing Love He has in store for us..

I want to learn to praise God for the loss...and for the gain of Him. I want to be better at that.

"All men are like grass,

and all their glory is like the flowers of the field.

7 The grass withers and the flowers fall,

because the breath of the LORD blows on them.

Surely the people are grass.

8 The grass withers and the flowers fall,

but the word of our God stands forever"

-Isaiah 40:6-8

copycats

2010-01-21T12:08:00.001-08:00

Apparently some people want to be like me:

Check out this new ride

What can I say? It's pretty sweet!

2010-01-02T16:02:00.001-08:00

I'm still here. Thanks for the sweet emails :)
Merry Christmas and Happy 2010...

This has been QUITE a week. And quite a year, to be honest.
God has been showing me a lot through change-especially given how much I resist it.
Way more to come. I have a lot to reflect on.

I'm living in my new house now-hooray! I'm about to bake my first item in my oven!

get excited....

2009-12-11T20:34:00.001-08:00

Whobilation tomorrow!
It's going to be very awesome.
I LOVE jumping on facebook and seeing tons of teens and small group girls make their status' about whobilation. That alone, has made my day!

Oh that, and visiting with a four and two year old and describing 8 foot candy canes that will be at whobilation and a peppermint walkway and watching her eyes light up and see her jump up and down and clap her hands. Priceless.

I have a lot to say about a lot of things, but for now...a glimpse of our "Whobilation Pump up Party"

Treasure

2009-11-19T10:17:00.000-08:00

At Nativity we have been attempting to teach kids about giving, specifically in terms of money. It sounds strange and even impossible, but it has been really amazing to see the kids bringing their treasure boxes back each week with coins. We have a moment in Time Traveler when the kids in All Stars and Time Travelers get to bring their treasure boxes forward and make their "offering" into a larger treasure box. It is really inspiring to watch. See for yourself:

I was thinking the other day the amazing effect that this could have on the spiritual lives of these kids. Although you may have the occasional "My mom gave me ten dollars to bring back here for our fund raise" (which is not the goal), you also hear the "I got money for my birthday and brought some of it here to give back to God!"

Whether or not the spiritual practice of stewardship becomes a daily part of the kids life is not really the point. It's rather cultivating a spirit of generousity and connecting giving with God. It's about God loving us so much and giving us so much, that when we offer some of those gifts back to God it's like shouting "I LOVE YOU GOD" from the top of the tallest building in the world. It's about keeping their hearts happy and content with their blessings and gifts, so much so that their hearts have more room for Jesus to be in every little nook and cranny of their hearts.

It's important, and I believe that the Holy Spirit will keep this concept and discipline in their life as they grow. They'll keep hearing about it year after year, and at some point, it'll click. It'll make sense to them. I believe it will change their life as teens and adults.

For now, as most kids hear about it for the very first time, we can have fun and sail away to Treasure Island...

2009-11-07T19:22:00.000-08:00

Feelin' grateful for my girlfriends this evening... I think they're so important to daily life.
Gal pals who pour into your life wisdom, love, honesty and fun.
One of the main reasons I'm excited to live on my own (coming soon!) is so I can spend more time taking care and loving my girlfriends.

I think it is so significantly purposeful that there are people in your life who build you up and remind you of your worth, particularly in the eyes of our heavenly Father. Those friends are treasures.

Especially this one:

"'Cause you've been more than a friend to me
You fight off my enemies
'Cause you've spoken the Truth over my life
And you'll never know what it means to me
Just to know you've been on your knees for me"-Watermark

Fall

2009-11-05T14:36:00.001-08:00

This is my first fall being able to drive around and enjoy the scenery. Sometimes you have to pull over and admire for a few minutes, when you see sights such as this:
It's been a blessing to be driving. I'm trying to better use this blessing to serve others. For so many years, many people blessed me by driving me various places. I want to pour out myself in those kinds of ways. We've been talking at Nativity about being a better steward of our money, but I have been reflecting a lot on how to be a better steward of my time as well. I find that challenge harder for me.

I am also blessed by my specific kind of vehicle. I get the opportunity to talk to so many people because of the attention my car draws. I want to keep myself open for the way God can (and has) use(d) that.

Speaking of my pink vehicle, I went into Starbucks today and one of the various "regulars" greeted me. (Does that make me a regular? :) ) I don't know much about him, but he is always very friendly and asks about my day. He is a little difficult to understand, because he has a very thick accent, but today this is what he said to me,
"This is what I think. You know how you have an apple, and you take a knife, and cut it in half? Then you have two halves. Well, you are one half of the apple, and your car is the other half."

I'm not totally sure, but I think that means my car and I go well together as a pair.

PS!!!!!
Starbucks has their Christmas cups out! I'm excited!

2009-10-28T11:17:00.000-07:00

Look who's ready for Christmas!
(and whobilation!)

2009-10-22T19:00:00.000-07:00

Deliver us, Lord, from every evil and grant us peace in our day.
In your mercy keep us free from sin
and protect us from all anxiety
as we wait in joyful hope
for the coming of our Savior, Jesus Christ

The Walk

2009-10-20T12:43:00.000-07:00

This weekend has been full of fun for me because it was packed with music.
I saw two concerts this weekend and while they were very different...they also had lots of things in common.
FIRST! I was able to volunteer with Worldvision (they're a phenomenal organization that helps people sponsor children from tons of countries) for a Tye Tribbet/Israel Houghton Concert at 1st Mariner. Now, I have been apart of a ton of worship shows but this concert was by far the most energetic passionate one of all time. So much worship and dancing and love for Jesus. Check it out:

BUT what was even more awesome was the presence of God in this place. I arrived feeling grumpy and tired of rain and irritated, and as soon as I entered into the pavilion the worshipper (but I don't know his name) was praying about an issue I'm struggling with right now. And he was so convicted and annointed that it was so moving for me. It stirred my soul and gave me so much confidence in God's faithfulness. And if that wasn't enough to grab my attention, I met another guy who has an amazing testimony of God working in his life...and while he was sharing it with me he started praying over me and speaking DIRECT words about my life. And we're talking very specific details that God clearly showed him because I had never met this man before in my life. And he was just encouraging me about what God is going to do in my life, and the anointing he's placed on my life. I share this not to be boastful or weird, but as a clear depiction of the incredible love God has for us, and how He is NOT going to leave us alone. I don't know how many people read this blog, but I am 100% sure God wants you to hear that message. And when we feel that loneliness, he shows up in crazy unexpected ways. God WILL get our attention, and He will keep trying until he gets it. So be encouraged!

The second concert I went to was my 13th time seeing Hanson, and those concerts stir my heart in a completely different way. It leads me to appreciate the gift of music, and I know those talented guys are using it in such an amazing way. They have a heart for service and for music, and they believe in doing what you can and using what you have to make a difference. They have hosted "walks" to raise awareness and support five causes facing challenges in Africa. I have enver been able to participate, but this year I did!

And it was a good thing. One of the ways they got started in their activism is by pairing up with toms shoes to give shoes to kids who don't have them. So during their 1 mile walks, they encourage participants to walk barefoot in solidarity and to raise awareness. It was a good experience for my soul.

So here we are, taking the walk :

Their concerts bring me a lot of joy and remind me that I am still the lil teenybopper who first started really enjoying Hanson 12 years ago. But seriously, they are some talented young adults who are focused, passionate, wholesome and altogether really caring individuals. And getting involved with their worthwhile causes has moved tons of young adults from apathy to action. It's good stuff, and at the end of the day, leads me closer to God's purposes for my life.

It's been a blessed weekend, that's for sure. Full of strangers and old friends that ocne again remind me that I am loved .

2009-10-11T18:52:00.000-07:00

It can be so refreshing to spend time with kids and students. Over the past month or so, I have really had a great opportunity to spend time with some really special people. I have been able to get to know them better and I have discovered some great blessings. I am grateful for teens and kids who help me remember who I am and who God made me to be.

For example, I stayed with some of my the coolest high schoolers I know Casey and Kelly for a few days, and spent two of the days dressing like each of them. And they said it made them happy-but really it made me happier, I'm sure of it. Here's me as Casey:And here is me as Kelly:

I have also realized I need to spend more time in these peaceful situations with such loving people. I mean, come on, spending a morning dressing up like princesses? What could be better. Meet my beautiful girlfriends Lily and Julia:

And my small group (the girls are in HIGH SCHOOL now...I can't believe it!) has started and has also been great. The girls in it are so phenomenal it is an honor to be with them and to be a small part of their lives. Here's us last spring:
And finally, to sum up my point about child-like faith and peace of the soul, if watching this video below doesn't make you smile even a bit...I give up.

Remember when learning the ABC'S was the biggest deal in the world? ::sigh:: :)

Inside Out

2009-09-23T12:55:00.000-07:00

God really moves in and through me with music. It's always been that special "Heavenly Father-daughter connection" we have, and it has never left me hanging. I can lay out my spiritual journey through specific songs/albums/artists, and just when i think I have exhausted Christian music resources....something random comes out of the woodwork-either from a friend, a website, radio or a completely random source. And worship music has a way of moving my heart like nothing else.

Anyways, enough of the rambling. I wanted to share a baby revelation on this one song that has been on my heart for awhile. I have had the cd for awhile, but recently checked out this song after hearing a lot about it from other blogger friends. It's called "From the Inside Out" by Hillsong and basically it speaks about God changing us and consuming us from the inside out. And lately, this theme has been popping up everywhere. I have always struggled with putting up a certain "image" we feel like we should, just because of the enviornment or the people we're with or whatever. And there's few things I dislike more than people (including myself) being disingenuous or fake. So I have wondered about the balance. When you're feeling like a complete mess...where is the balance of being real and yet not being an attention-seeker-mopey, a drag and pulling other people down with you. SO- this song kind of gave me a small dose of revelation into that topic. If God consumes you from the outside in, your outward behavior may change a little, but really its more about how things appear from the outside. No one really gets to see your soul in full. For the most part, it's really a God thing. Perhaps a secret place for you and God to build an amazing relationship, untainted by what other people may think or say, and regardless of what it looks like. It's really the ONLY place in the whole world where we can go and NOT have to worry about looking good or putting things in a nice wrapped package or saying the right thing! The inside of us is where we find God and how intricately He has knit us and how desperately He wants to be with us.

Being changed from the inside out is less glamorous, less affirming and less pretty.
BUT
it is MORE real, more raw, more life-impacting, more intimate, more sincere, more loving and more powerful...because it's us...without all the extra junk we pull into everything.

SO cool. Check out the song here.

PS: Barlowgirl's new CD, "Love & War" is my next step forward in spiritual journey. These girls (sisters in fact) share my heart and passions and struggles...and I love the way God works through and in them.

Praise and honor to the One who knows all, loves all and saves all.

the more I seek You...

2009-08-23T13:20:00.000-07:00

Another busy Sunday here at Nativity. It has been a summer of transitions and trying new things. These past two weekends, Chris Wesley has done a great job of putting together relevant, engaging messages that really encourage people to get into God's Word. There is some seriously cool stuff in there but it can seem really intimidating.

Been gearing up for Powerlab, the new series for children. And let me tell you, these kids in Time travelers are going to look AWESOME wearing these goggles during the program:
They are beyond lucky, if you ask me. Kids are going to be lining up around the block to get their hands on one of these babies.

Also, read this really good article from Relevant. It's about the influence social networking can, and in some cases has had on our friendships. And that friendships, real ones, take work and effort. That is something no one would probably argue with, but it often gets lost in the shuffle of life. I have been reflecting lately on my time and money, and God has been showing me that I spend money on and spend time doing exactly what I want. You pick what you do and buy, and you can change it if you'd like. I need to start taking responsibility for what I do and don't do, instead of pondering and wishing things were different. I want to spend more time with my grandparents-okay, than do it! Pick up the phone or get in the car and do it. That is one of those gifts that God has given me, and us. I spend a lot of time thinking and no enough time doing what I'm thinking about. If I am spending my time unwisely, it is no one's responsibility but mine. I need to continue to look inwardly and to God for ways I can improve my life instead of depending on people to do it for me, or to get upset when I get let down. Been reflecting a lot with this song, really trying to understand that the more I seek God, the more I find Him in my life. It's common sense, but easily forgettable.

Changing the World

2009-08-18T20:10:00.000-07:00

I, like a lot of young adults my age, have a passion and desire to change the world for the better. I mean, in a way I think we all do because of the interactions we have with one another, and the love we pour out on one another connects us all in some way.

BUT, I find myself thinking about how I can use the opportunities and gifts/talents I have been given to make a big impact. I have been inspired by small ideas that have become revolutionary. I think it's so important to support one another, especially when our brothers and sisters take on big responsibility.

I have decided to share some of my favorites with you. I know there are millions (which is really amazing) of big and small companies and organizations creating awareness and change. I think God really blesses us when we strive to serve Him in unique ways. Each of these stories involve seeing the need, and responding to it. Not necessarily in ways that cost thousands of dollars, but in innovate avenues that awaken our consumer-driven culture into awareness.

Check out some of these creative projects by some awesome young adults:

* TOMS Shoes- I have been a TOMS supporter since 2005 when I first heard about them at a Hanson concert. Basically, this guy named Blake saw the need of kids all over the world who have no shoes. So, he creates a shoe pattern based on an Argentinian shoe and starts a buisness. Every time someone buys a pair of shoes from them, they also buy one pair for a child who needs one. One for one.

*The Uniform Project: I just recently found this one in the past month!This girl has taken her amazing fashion sense and used it to raise money to buy uniforms and put more kids in schools who live in slums in India. Her friend designed one dress (but don't worry she has 7 of the same dress) that she has pledged to wear for one year. Each day she takes a photo, and each day looks totally different because she uses fun, cheap accessories...all of which she got on ebay and consignment shops. The pledges she recieves goes to the Akanksha Foundation, which creates education opportunities in India. Plus she's super fancy!

*JESUS Branded: One of my favorites! I've always loved the amazing designs of their shirts over there, but recently they just changed their whole approach to their t shirt shop. They realized they became too focused on their store instead of spreading the gospel through shirts (incredibly cool, non-cheesy ones by the way). So, now they create two shirts per week (tuesday and thursday) and give vistors 48 hours to buy that particuar shirt, then its gone forever. They blog about what God is doing in their life, and how the truths they are learning translate into incredibly cool shirts. The shirts then have created TONS of online and real life dialogue that get people asking questions, pursuing God and sharing life with one another. Unbelievably cool.

God is good, God is great...

2009-08-04T15:07:00.000-07:00

Today I had breakfast with an old high school friend. That in and of itself is a great, worthwhile way to spend an early morning. I love catching up, and I value greatly friendships from high school. Although I have changed a lot since then, it's a gift to be able to have that kind of history with people. It's refreshing and encouraging to be with friends like that. Plus, IHOP breakfast is yummy!

But as I was silently praying over my food when we received it, I began pondering why I do that. Granted, it is a very worthwhile thing to do. I just have been thinking today about being intentional with my time, thoughts, actions and material things. There is and should be room for spontaneity, but it has been an exercise for me to really dig down and figure out WHY I do certain things. Some of them have been kind of boring and obvious, such as why I keep water on my nightstand at all times (for when I wake up in the middle of the night and feel parched). Some have been kind of weird and maybe morbid, such as why I MUST make my bed every morning (in case something happens to me and I do not return to my room, it makes me feel better to know that my bed is at least made and clean).

Anyways, so I have been exploring stuff like that. And I think saying grace before eating can, like many other religious things, become a thoughtless habit that you just mindlessly do every day. But for a lot of Christians, I know it means a lot and it is an important part of gathering together in fellowship during meals or praising God before we eat alone. It is a powerful testament of thankfulness for the food in front of us. It is an outward sign of God's control over our hearts and lives and our dependence on His grace and gifts. It is a response to the gift of nourishment (or stomachaches...depending on what we're eating) and a cry of a thankful heart.

But then I started thinking, "what if we lived our LIVES with that kind of attitude??" If I looked at everything I have and do, from a morning chai tea at Starbucks, to the gas to fill my car, to the random gentlemen I meet in line at Mars, to the shoes on my feet to get from place to place, to a bright sunshine, to to eyes that can see pretty well, to a secure job doing what I love, to the "options" I have for dinner. And even instead of just THINKING about those blessings...vocally praising God for them. To make every day from start to finish, an extended "grace" for everything we have received. The world could be changed. I'm certain of it. Attitude is everything.

I spend too much time thinking about what I have lost and what I don't have. God has convicted my heart to turn that around big time!

Bless us, O Lord,
and these Thy gifts
which we are about to receive
from Thy bounty,
through Christ our Lord. Amen.

Thank You, Lord for the gifts (ALL the gifts) from Your bounty.

Mr.A-Z

2009-07-26T20:07:00.001-07:00

Saw Jason Mraz last night at Merriweather

with my friend Sam.

It was g-r-ea-t. I have been a Mraz fan for about 7 years but have never seen him live. Boy is he fun! And he played some of my favorite songs. So many are happy and danceable and jazzy!
Like this one:
The Dynamo of Volition

(yes, this is filmed from the concert last night-but no, I did not film it because I did not have front row seats :) )

Jason Mraz is such a great example of someone who is having a BLAST using his talent. He's great to watch beause he loves it. Which makes you love it. PLUS, besides these fun dancey songs, he has some PROFOUND stuff in his songs, too.
Wanna see another video? Of course! This one is called "Beautiful Mess" and it is what I named my blog after (well, that last part isn't exactly true. But it is a great song. Check out this lyrics from it: "Hey, what a beautiful mess this is/It's like picking up trash in dresses/Through, timeless words and priceless pictures/We'll fly like birds not of this earth").

PLUS, I got to meet some Nativity folk which was like an triple added bonus! A new friend called me a "rock star," so clearly I should have been backstage hanging out with Jason Mraz, but he didn't get the memo I guess. :)

Okay, last Jason bit: One of my favorite songs is called "When God Moves through You" and it is so ridiculously beautiful (and surprisingly very theological) I just HAVE to share the lyrics because it makes me so happy and thoughtful.
you were born together
and together ye shall be forever
until death should scatter
it wouldn't matter in the memory of God above
let the wind of heaven dance between you too
allow the space and time to bring you closer to everlasting love
cause God moves
what do you do
God moves through you

when love beckons
his ways are often hard and steep
when his wings enfold
ye yield to all he speaks
the sword it might be hidden there among his pinions
oh you may wear a wound that truly spoke to you
believe in all that voice and follow through
follow so on and on

what do you do when God moves through you
what do you do
say i do
i do

just remember love possesses nothing
nor would it ever be possessed
oh love is love sufficient unto love
and you can figure out the rest

your children will not be your children
they are the daughters and the son of a beginning
they'll come through your womb but not be coming from you
they will be with you but do not belong to you
you may give them your love but not your thoughts
then they'll arrive with their own hearts
they're the coming of angels this blessed season
and then they'll sing oh how God rests in reason
God rests in reason

so what do you do
ooh when God moves through you
what do you do
say i do
i do

think not you can direct the course of
love itself directs the course allowed
believe not God is in your heart, child
but rather you're in the heart of God

what do you do
say i do
i do
i do

think not you can direct the course of
love itselfs directs the course allowed
believe not God is in your heart, child but rather you're in the heart of God

Whoa. God has shown me lots through that song, and I really enjoy when God shows up in random places. We don't have to confine ourselves to teeny Christian boxes...because a lot of times when we don't we not only meet other people where they are, but we ALSO get our eyes open to just how much God loves US-not just me, or you, or your family...US.

Every single human being:)

Beach days

2009-07-23T11:00:00.000-07:00

I am at the beach this week. It's raining now, so we are all taking a little bit of quiet time. It has been really nice to sit on the beach and enjoy not having to worry about much of anything beyond what you'd like to do that evening. It's also an incredibly fun place to people watch and just to feel part of something. This huge beach with all these people and families and friends enjoying each other while taking time to relax. It's really rather hopeful.

I have read three books so far (I brought 8 just in case) and I just finished one Lisa lent to me. I mentioned how much I love reading young adult books, and so she lent me "Stargirl." by Jerry Spinelli. It is such a lovely book with such an inspiring message. This girl exemplifies Romans 12:2: "Do not be conformed by the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." The whole book is mainly about this girl who dares to be different by showering everyone around her with kindness. But the best kind of kindness-where most of the time, no one even notices that she's the one responsible for the nice things. She doesn't care about the credit. The book is filled with lovely ideas on how she keeps up her optimism. A few of them I plan to implement into my own life. I am looking forward to reading the sequel. It just gives you a bit of hope that optimism isn't some strange concept that is only to be squashed by the world. Instead, it's a God given gift that can lift the spirits of of people across the globe, and let them know they are not alone, and that there is someone (and some One) who cares about them.

Random Bits of information

2009-07-15T19:38:00.000-07:00

*I went to Chic-fil-a yesterday and I love it there for many reasons. Not only are the restaurants clean, bright, and cheerful...not only are the employees friendly, helpful and reliable...but I always get such great opportunities to talk to people about Nativity. I don't know if it's because I am more willing since Chic-fil-a has that whole "Christian" label attached to it...but regardless, I was able to talk to two random people about Nativity. ALSO, there is a wonderful woman named Miriam who works at the Coceysville Chic-fil-a, and she is just so beautiful. I was happy to see her, and since I was grabbing lunch for several other people, she saw I had lots of bags and helped me carry my stuff all the way across the lot to my car!! Unbelievable. She reminded me to keep praying for her (she's joined us at Nativity a few times) and so now I am spreading her request to anyone reading. Pray for Miriam, her job, her family and that God blesses her in abundant and bountiful ways!

* "Meet the Robinsons" was on tv this morning. I absolutely adore this movie, and could watch it ten times in a row. It's so clever, and fills me with such great feelings after watching it. It has a great message, is highly entertaining and has great characters. My absolute favorite part is at 3:30 in this clip below...but I just love that movie so much.

*Also, one of my favorite songs comes from "Meet the Robinsons." The ending part of the movie fills me with such jubilations...and plus this song is so fantastic. It has been playing in my head all day as I live. It's the good kind of song to get stuck in your head. Check it our below:

*It's really cool because we're talking about evangelization this weekend at Nativity..and God keeps showing me opportunities to talk to others about Christ (and Nativity). On Tuesday I was driving home from work, and I saw a little lemonade stand. Now, as an alumna of the "lemonade stand buisness" I have made a promise that anytime I see a lemonade stand and I 1) have money and 2) have a bit of time I HAVE to stop and buy some. It not only makes the kids happy, but it makes my day as well. So I stopped at this house, and the dad and the kids and I got into a conversation about my car. He says he sees it drive into the church a lot. BINGO! Conversation about church begins. We talk about his background, his kids, what he wants. It ends with me writing down mass times and website so he can come visit Nativity. AWESOME. It made me realize that God doesn't necessarily need us to evangelize in like one of four ways. He will use us, our personality and passions, to open up doors to talk to others about Him. I didn't do anything spectacular or even praiseworthy. i just stopped for some lemonade because it is fun. Seemed pretty tiny to me. And yet, because of what God can do, it could change lives.

*I am so pleased to announce that Mrs. Lisa Scata has joined our nativity team full time. (I have a "first day" photo of us together... but my camera cord is at work..so i'll share that with you later). She is quite a joy and a big blessing, and I can already see huge fruits of having her on the team, and it's only been 3 days! It's quite wonderful.

*Bob Barczak is my friend. We went to Africa together, among many others places. He reads my blog, and writes a lot in the Nativity Nigeria blog. He also informed me that lots of people from different countries read my blog too. It's fun learning things from Bob-he knows a lot. Hi Bob! :)

You know your local Starbucks rocks when...

2009-07-11T10:28:00.000-07:00

you head in to get your favorite drink as a reward to yourself before work and not only are you greeted by everyone in the store, BUT they comment on how nice you look and how they like your dress and want to know what you're dressed up for. AND THEN, they know what you're going to order so you don't even have to say anything, but continue lovely conversation about new hairstyles and fancy occasions..only to leave the store with an extra coupon and a series of cheerful, "bye, have funs" on the way out the door.

I really love Starbucks. In particular, the one on York Road by Ridgely.

let us fall more in love with You

2009-07-07T13:56:00.000-07:00

We were talking about fellowship at Nativity last weekend, and after hearing the message I felt in desperate need of some fellowship. I had been missing it lately.

SO, I headed over to this incredible prayer group I had been attending off and on for 9 years (!). But I hadn't been in 2 years or something ridiculous. It's a multi-denominational charismatic prayer group, and last night I was made aware of many things and experienced many emotions.

First it felt strange, because a lot of the people who attend are a part of this community that are very tight knit group who know each others life stories and live next door to each other. Growing up through high school, I always wanted to fit in and be a part of this incredible group that cared and prayed over and for each other daily-like, for real! Prayer was not taken lightly or in a joking manner. I desperately wanted to feel like I belonged and I was able to bring something to the table. I felt as though I always came and took everything in and received, but rarely was able to give. But I understand that was my role at the time. However, it always felt a bit awkward stepping into this history that everyone has.

God moved so in so many crazy ways through those prayer meetings. They are so important to me and my faith journey. I know I met and knew God growing up at Nativity, but he BLEW ME AWAY when I met Him in full fledged worship with these groups of people. I think singing out to God is the way I most connect with Him, the way my heart feels explosive and on fire and His voice is heard so clearly and constantly. It's where I recognize who I am and whose I am, and I can be completely honest with Him.

So, I've missed that to say the least. But anyways, first it felt weird because I had not been here in awhile. And the people there, as amazing as they are, don't really know anything about me. But then I decided, that is kind of nice. It's nice not only to meet new people, but also to be a fellow worshipper without all the other stuff. I met some really lovely new people, and was just so blown away by their friendly hearts.

They listened when I talked. They answered my questions and asked me ones back. They were genuinely interested. We talked about theology and faith and the church and music and worship. I know these sound like basic things but I had really been missing this. A lot of my relationships are on the blink right now, (for reasons I cannot understand or control) and I'm learning how to surround myself with people who love and build me up and who I can pour out love to as well. I am trying to be a better steward of my time and share it with people more purposefully.

Life is too short to worry about the yucky things that happen, the friendships that are lost or estranged, and the things that just don't work out as you hoped. (Much easier said than done, I understand). I want to be an avid seeker of what Christ has to share with me (and us) on a daily basis, as I used to. THAT is a great use of my time. Constantly seeking. Awakening the hunger within me to find new ways God shows himself to me and speak the words He gives me to speak. I want to live as though I am hopelessly, recklessly crazy in love with God-because I am. :)

If all this great stuff came out of one prayer meeting, clearly this means I need to get myself there each week, right? YES.

I think one of the goals we should have is to realize how we best worship God. Where is our home base, where we can rest and yet open ourselves up to God in such a big way? It's different for different people, there is no right answer.But for me, it's corporate worship. So I have to do whatever I can to make sure THAT is happening.

ps: we sung this song last night at prayer meeting, and its one of my current favorites. It's sung by many folks, but I'm currently loving this one:
"We wanna know how high how deep how wide his love, love, love..."

fear not

2009-06-27T15:59:00.000-07:00

**EDIT- I live next door to two awesome VBS campers, who are then related to two MORE VBS-ers...and as I was just visiting them I was informed that my nickname is "The Boss" from VBS, and my neighbors cousins kept saying, "They live next door to The Boss of the whole thing!!" And as I came over to the house just now they ran through the house looking for each other saying, "MISS KRISTIN IS HERE!!!!!" Man, it's funny how God grants us desires of our hearts. I always wanted to be a movie star growing up, and now through beautiful children, I get to experience the fun of having an influencing role in a lot of kids' lives. **

VBS is over, therefore I have more time on my hands :) But I loved creating an enviornment for these kids to step into, and so it was really a pleasure to play a part in such a life changing week for a lot of people.

I really was blessed with some incredible ministers to serve with, and I am astounded by their love for these 260 kids who attended camp. God definitely showed up!

I have also decided that being around people who build you up, make you feel good about yourself and who truly love you is a very, very important thing. It really can and does allow God to move rapidly in big and small moments. It can change everything, really.

I have also decided that these people who you spend time with, can be 80 years old, 40 years old, 14 years old, or 4 years old. Age is so inconsequential when experiencing love-and learning about life.

I learned so much about life and God through these children this past week. And that is completely priceless.

FEAR NOT!

Blessings

2009-06-18T21:35:00.000-07:00

God has really been blessing my with great, great friends to help me organize and decorate and keep sane :)

I am really grateful today that God knows deep inside our hearts, and that He knows what we need to get through things and what we need to draw us closer to Him.

He has sent me truly amazing individuals, in the form of some incredible teens, remarkable ministers, and kind-hearted friends. I'm really learning what friendship is, and how it doesn't ask for anything in return. It simply serves and loves and supports, knowing that the feeling is so mutual it doesn't need to be contracted or spoken aloud. People who will assist you even in things that don't concern them, or even stick around just to keep you company. In busy times weeks like these I am thankfully so perceptive to these kinds of things. It's like I am so aware of what's going on with people around me. I want to serve others better, and these people God is blessing me with are showing me how to do it.

It's not just about doing stuff for other people, but the attitude and kindness that comes with it.
These people are bringing me hope and encouragement at a time when I really need it. So I am so very thankful for that.

VBS is in 4 days! It's going to be amazing!!!! Click here to check it out during next week! :)

Swamps on the Brain

2009-06-12T22:01:00.001-07:00

I'm trapped in a Bayou state of mind. What can you expect with our Vacation Bible School in 9 days?!

Everywhere I look, no matter where I am, everything I see turns into something I could use to decorate Crocodile dock.

I was in Bahama Breeze tonight (mmm!), gazing at their decor in between conversation and imagining what I could do with some of the plants and decorations in there.I was also brainstorming about their menu, thinking how fun some of their terminology could be used at VBS.

Yes, I'm a bit crazy. Good part is that two weeks from today, VBS will be over, and with God's blessing, many, many kids will come to know Christ better or for the first time (!).

It's going to be fun, that's for sure!

What a week...

2009-06-04T04:57:00.000-07:00

So my life changed this week.

First of all, I got a new car. Now this would seem like incredible news, but it is actually my third car. The first one died a month after I graduated before I got a chance to drive it. My second car was a stick, and though I had a wonderful teacher, I didn't get it. It made me more nervous and it never stuck.

But never has there been a more perfect car for me. Let me tell you, this car was WORTH THE WAIT. Wanna see? Ok, get ready!
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Now if you know me, you know this is the car of my dreams. It's bubblegum pink with a lot of glittery sparkle. it's kind of ridiculous, and I love it to pieces.

Which also brings me to my second life change, I have finally gotten my driver's license.

*pause for laughter or looks of confusion here*

yea, well. Don't really have a good excuse or reasoning as to why I never had it before, sometimes it was timing, sometimes it was school, sometimes it was lack of car motivations...who knows.

But as I end the era of me depending on other people for rides-I have decided I wouldn't trade that time for anything. Not only did I become a good planner because of it, I learned that I can't do everything on myself. Most importantly, I had some good conversations and strengthened relationships because of driving with other people in the car. It's a really good place to bond and connect with someone else.

So-it's a good feeling...in fact I'm sitting in bed right now, at 8 in the morning brainstorming where I could go right now! Now THAT'S fun!

I need a name for my car. Any ideas?

2009-05-26T00:04:00.000-07:00

It's 3am.
Can't sleep.
It's pouring outside.

Listening to Misty Edwards.

Her words are penetrating.

Forgive me, for neglecting Your heart.
Forgive me for my busy life.
Forgive me for wasting time.

Put Your hand upon my heart
I wanna feel.

Let me know that I'm alive
I wanna feel.

Take away the dullness.
Take away a proneness to boredom.
Take away my wandering spirit
and tame this wild soul.

Fascinate me. Captivate me.
Come and hold me like You do.

I pray for clarity, patience, and peace.
And maybe some sleep.

Gemstones

2009-05-22T16:31:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking a lot about senses and how much we rely on them. So when we go through phases where we don’t seem to be able to “feel God” it FEELS like it may as well be the end. As if God has suddenly forgotten us and we are left alone because “the feeling we had once” is suddenly there. It can be terrifying, disappointing and extremely unsettling. And sometimes we can get so upset and feel so ridiculous for feeling upset...and it goes round and round…
But God is there, too. Even when emotions seem so petty and wasteful. Even when it seems so difficult to just say "I place this in Your hands, and I do not WANT this in my life." Even when we consider options we know will never do us any good, and sometimes go THROUGH with them, He's still there, holding your hand. And I'm just so grateful for that. The mere action of just being there. Not in a scolding, "you-know-better-then-this" kind of way, but a loving, "i-know-you're-struggling-i-will-help-you-if-you-let-me" kind of way.
And he puts people there to help, too. I believe that there are people in our life who are steady, consistent parts of us, who keep adding wonderful things to our life, and who keep challenging us to reach our full potential. These people are gemstones, who show us God's love in fullest 'on earth' potential. I am so grateful for these people, and I want to spend more time figuring out who they are.
I hold onto past memories and past mistakes like its nobodys buisness. No matter how much I feel like I have let them go and let God fully take over my heart-I haven't. But also, every time I stumble and fall, I'm getting closer. Oddly enough, I can also feel my little struggles preparing me for future things. And even though those things (the ones I’ve experienced/experiencing) are crazy hard, it brings a purposeful feeling. And while that could scare me, it's actually very comforting to know how closely and tenderly God is looking out for me.
That's just how God is, though. He lets us go enough to let us learn everything He wants us to, but also keeps His hand out to catch us when He knows we need help. He fills us with His love when we fail, and constantly encourages us to renew our self-esteem-no matter what the outcome. He is the true image of parenting at its absolute best. ...reason number 38,543,345,219 to love life and the amazing Lord who put us here:)

I'm tryin' my best!

In 33 days...

2009-05-19T09:12:00.000-07:00

Over 200 kids will be worshiping and drawing closer to Christ with their peers! Lives will be changed! hearts will be transformed! God will show up in incredible ways! Songs will be sung that will get stuck in your head for weeks!

That's right, Nativity's Vacation Bible School is in 33 days!
God has brought us ab abundance of gifts and opportunities for the theater set!
People are responding to our VBS needs via this blog!
What a huge blessing.
I have no doubt He will continue to provide in crazy cool ways.

35 more adults volunteers needed!
It will be an awesome week and I know God will bless each person abundantly for their service to lead kids closer to Christ!

Are you available June 22-26 from 8-12:30pm? Join the team! Click the link over there to serve
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Not available during that time but still want to serve? Join our decorating and building team! (Don't worry, you don't have to be creative). Email me at kcostanza@churchnativity.org for details!

You do not want to miss this. Trust me...well, no..trust God!

time keeps flying by

2009-05-18T07:27:00.000-07:00

These past few days have been hectic on the inside.
It can be emotionally exhausting to work yourself up and convince yourself of big changes in life, only to find out at the end of it, things are going to remain the same, at least for awhile.

I'm trying just to be content with where I am, but that is not coming easily.
The only thing I am certain of at the current moment this morning is that I need a vacation.
And I really want to go to Disney World, but the best time to go I have heard is September or January to avoid crowds. Also, I love Universal Studios.
Man I really want to go.

The Finer Diner started this weekend. Ministers were great, especially the song leaders and characters! And to watch how much the kids enjoyed it-now THAT was a fun time! Photos coming soon.

Not Alone

2009-05-16T16:17:00.001-07:00

You're not alone.

Super Sports Spectacular

2009-05-11T06:34:00.000-07:00

Time Traveler's wrapped up another series this weekend.

I just love, love, LOVE the ministers I get to work with.

Few things I enjoy more on a Sunday morning than watching them have fun and lead the kids in energetic worship! Check it out:
"Get Down"

and then there's this one which I love:

All in all, it was a great time.
We're on God's team!

beauty for ashes

2009-04-27T08:53:00.000-07:00

I've been a weak follower after the Lord...but I am also learning that is all He needs. Sometimes I have the attitude of hiding and waiting to come to the Lord once I have recovered and gotten myself under control. This is NOT the way to go to our most Holy God with a genuine and hungry spirit. It is not God's will for us to calm our own fears and soothe ourselves with our own "it'll be alrights...". There's not excuse why I feel sometimes I have to be presentable before God, because whenever I'm not is when He works the deepest Really, I'm just prolonging healing processes. To open up the door even a little bit..God amazes me with results...even when I don't see or hear Him.

Lately, God has been challenging me to let go of my old way of life...even if I thought it was fine and under control. I think i get so consumed with things being smooth and reaching a certain level in order for our lives to be an "appropriate Christian girl" and if there is anything that has been turned upside down for the past two years it's that. I have been so wrapped up in issues .....my heart can't find rest. Before I sleep it takes at least an hour for my heart to slow...and i have been falling asleep trying to clear my mind and put it at rest. Anxiety can be the perfect obstacle to keep us from resting in the Lord. The Lord sometimes talks to me through my journal. Like, I'll be writing, and then all of sudden my hands are flailing about the page and I have no idea what I'm writing about (which sounds creepy, but it's not). Then I re-read, and it's the Lord speaking deeply to my heart through my own hand. As of late, this is what the Lord has been telling me:

"Will you quit working so hard to restore things to the way they were? These changing relationships, these new problems, these unforeseen circumstances, these obstacles to your passions-they are part of My new life for you. Let Me do something new and change things around. Open your mouth and heart -that's all I ask of you. Lock eyes with Me, and I will put in you a new song! You cannot receive it by flailing about and crying about changes and loneliness...that will make it harder for you to learn, to sing back to me...I have many things planned for you-Get up, my daughter, it is time for a new melody, a new dance a new spirit..."

He calls us to be His chosen one: "They were singing (what seemed to be) a new hymn before the throne, before the four living creatures and the elders. No one could learn this hymn except the hundred and forty-four thousand who had been ransomed from the earth" (rev 14:3).

The psalms go on and on and on abut new songs, and I am learning what that can mean and what power that can have...He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.(psalm 40:3)

God's good....I am learning to trust that God sends love before you hit empty...and that God never wastes a hurt. :) So-praise Him for faithfulness, discipline and power...and the fact that He remembers our promises and does not let us forget them!

ps: below is the current "song of my heart". I couldn't find a video of it except of this guy playing it on guitar (download it, because you can't hear it that well). It's called "So good to me" by Cory Asbury, and the words are amazing... it's basically sung scripture...I just love it. Checkout these lyrics:

"I waited patiently upon the Lord And He inclined and heard my cry

He pulled me up out of the miry clay He set my feet upon a rock

He gave me, beauty for ashes And joy for my mourning And praise for heaviness

He put a new song in my mouth And a crown upon my head

He gave me life forevermore

Hes been so good, so so good to me

So good, so so good to me, so good so so good to me Jesus

Cause He picked me up and He turned me around

And He placed my feet on the solid ground

Hallelujah, Hallelujah "

the beauty of words

2009-04-23T09:56:00.000-07:00

I have discovered a new website that I love.

Wordel is this incredibly fun site that lets you combine words at random, or type in pre-made documents and it generates beautiful artsy designs of them.
Check out this one, which uses the lyrics from one of my new favorite songs "You are Everything" by Matthew West:

Or this one, which I used this post to generate:

It's so fun I want to decorate a whole room with them.
Try it out!

RISE Videos

2009-04-21T13:39:00.000-07:00

Here are two videos from the Good Friday Service at Nativity.
Some talented students, that's for sure!
Check it out, especially if you weren't able to join us!

"Everything Sketch"

"How He Loves"

SUNDAY!

2009-04-13T13:42:00.000-07:00

This Easter was awesome-from start to finish. Hands down (according to me) best Easter at Nativity thus far. We welcomed a bazillion people (since I don't know an exact number, a bazillion will have to do) and celebrated in such a beautiful fashion...it was great!

I was hosting the Praise Party with Chris all weekend...and THAT was a good time. At one time there was definitely close to 200 kids in the tent out front. And their singing was so loud it was AWESOME! Hoped you were able to join us!

And now, for some photos...

Started the day waiting for the kids with some awesome student ministers, Casey and Kelly! <3

You can't have a party without balloons-LOTS of ballons!

Morgan and Amanda get gold stars for being awesome song leaders all morning!

Along the way I found Ella, one of my very favorite little friends!

SO many kids in the tent!!

Chris sharing the gospel via a special telegram from the apostle Peter!

The kids were awesome, they out-sung the recorded music!

Who likes to party!?

Every party must come to an end, and then it was time to hand out 400 balloons!

A good shot of your friendly neighborhood praise partiers!

Chris pondering all the partying...

ALL IN ALL, Easter vigil+ praise party+family time+marley&me=one great Easter!

RISE up

2009-04-11T19:18:00.000-07:00

Last year, we wanted to get students involved during Holy Week. In high school I worked busily at this time preparing a “Stations of the Cross” presentation with my peers, so I was not a stranger to the pantomimed Good Friday services. But we wanted to try something different. There had to be a way to allow students to reflect and use their gifts (whatever they may be) to reflect on the Passion of Jesus. That student’s relationship with God would grow by seeing Jesus on the cross in a new way.
This all sounded good, but how to actually accomplish this was beyond me. So, I did what I know, which is to find and write some monologues, pick some great songs, locate some dancers and there you have it, right? Wrong. Thankfully, God took the reigns of that whole operation and turned it into something incredible-and unexpected.

This year was no different. Sure, I understood the components a little better. And yes, we had more members of our band. More students wanted to get involved. And we are beginning to learn how to master our light board. But ultimately, RISE is a true example of God anointing something and making something amazing with some really talented students and young adults.

Thematically, this year we used something God placed on my heart in January. I had been reflecting on the legacy of Jesus’ saving power. How 2000 years ago, when Jesus died on that cross, He opened up the doors to the gates of heaven for us. People’s lives were changed. And 1000 years ago, martyrs were dying for their faith in the power of the cross. Again, people’s lives were changed. And now, in the year 2009, people are coming to know Jesus in new and powerful ways-and their lives are never the same.

This year’s RISE worship service explored that unbelievable truth. Through songs like “Why” by Nichole Nordeman, and a monologue from the perspective of Mary, the mother of Jesus, clips from “The Passion of the Christ,” and artwork videos displaying the apostles of Jesus, we reflected on the impact Jesus made when He died on the cross. Through things like a dance piece to contemporary worship song “How he Loves,” a sketch exploring the pressures teens face today and how Jesus can help us overcome them, and worship music, we were able to think about the power of Jesus’ sacrifice today. The service was tied together by a piece of artwork created by students that had written across it, “Love lives.”

The students and young adults I had the pleasure to work with did an incredible job. But more than that, they were excited to use God given gifts, like dance, drama, music, and art, to glorify God. And what we hope is that people are encouraged and moved by the various ways we can reflect on the Passion of Jesus Christ-and never be the same.

I will be able to post some videos soon. We need to get through Easter first-then start the editing process. I can't wait to show you if you missed it!

Just went to the Easter Vigil and it was BEAUTIFUL!

Happy Easter :)

First Serving

2009-03-31T13:02:00.000-07:00

Hello! I am currently in a hair salon waiting for my hair to be complete. I normally wait a lot longer than you are supposed to to get a haircut-but because I see those darn announcements on those GIGANTIC screens at Nativity every single weekend, at some point I just crack and have GOT to get my haircut within a two day period. It's like I can't handle it anymore, and I must do SOMETHING. So, that happened to me on Sunday, and I thought "I MUST do something with this hair to make it look okay by the next filming!" (Which unfortunately is not this week but next week). SO- needless to say, I'm happy at least one of my appointments has gotten worked out.

This has been such an awesome, awesome weekend. It was First Serve Weekend at Nativity, which basically means it's one giant encouraging push for members of Nativity who are not in a ministry to get in one! This has been done in the past by a giant white tent ( typically a staple for any Nativity event) and lots of tables and cookies and ministers.

Maria pioneered something new this year, and I for one, thought it was FANTASTIC. Ministers had to stand under cool floating triangles, wear green and a nifty green/white pin, and carry around easy-to-fill-out cards. There were so many cool things about this weekend...
-it was really fun to see so many people wearing green and working for one cause. Being a very team-oriented person, I love when you can feel a sense of purpose and community like that (and uniforms and matching shirts help, too!). It excites me and makes me thankful to be a part of something so important.
-I love little touches that Maria adds to things to add excitement and enthusiasm for her projects. Anytime there is a theme for anything, count me in.
-I was so proud of so many ministers, from all kinds of areas, working really hard to engage people in genuine conversation, and really encourage them to take the next step in their faith journey today.
-I met so many awesome new people who are excited about starting in a ministry. I even met some really sweet new people who read my blog and were excited to talk to me about it! (Hi Cindy! (: ) How cool is that?
-I connected with a few really awesome people who shares our vision for children's ministry and are dying to get involved. That was such a huge blessing for me, to now that God is instilling similar ideas and enthusiasm for the future of all our programs, especially children's and especially time travelers (because that is the ministry I work the most closely with). It just reminds me that God is so ABLE and ready to take care of us. He is so capable and not only that, but the desire is there. He loves us completely, fully and unconditionally. No hurt or pain is too small for him to care about. No situation in our life means nothing. He's never too busy to listen and guide and love. He always has time for us and always has the right thing to say/do.

We all WANT to be loved like that. For most of us, we just need to accept it.
Claim what is yours!

Completely Random Information

2009-03-27T10:42:00.000-07:00

I am in love with "Cardioke". First of all, who knew there was a Billy Blanks, Jr.? The first Billy Blanks and his Tae-bo thing scares me and I don't think I'll do it again. But THIS is awesome! It's like someone got inside my brain and figured out a way for me to do cardio that combines singing and dancing. I did it for the first time today on exercise-tv and it was the most fun thing ever. The only downside is that one of the songs we sang was that completely obnoxious song "don't cha" that I promptly made up my own words to so that I could still sing along. Um, try this out if you aren't a big running-cardio-fan...but still know you need to get your heart rate going. Plus they are super positive and all about giving people confidence in who they are and taking good care of themselves.

My cousin has gotten engaged! I am probably way more excited than I should be. I cannot wait to look at fun things with her and go dress shopping and all kinds of craziness. This is really the first friend (cousin, but friend is a better fit) that has gotten married that I get to help!!!! Plus her boyfriend...excuse me..fiance..is super fantastic-so it's good all around.

I have a like 6 appointments to make and have completely struck out on all of them. It can be really frustrating when you try to catch up with personal business on days off and completely strike out. Either all the new doctors on my list I'm trying to book are not accepting new patients, or the numbers are wrong, or they don't have openings until August, or the people I'm used to seeing are booked solid. CRAZY! It's a busy time of year I guess. I just want to get all my doctors and whatnot totally settled and find people I like. Oh, being an adult. :)

Friday is usually the day I clean and organize everything (in my life and where I live) so I am trying to get in the mood to do so. I want to get in a better bedtime routine and morning routine involving set prayer times and locations, reading material, exercise, healthy planned breakfasts/late night eating (not good..but if you are gonna do it there are certainly things to avoid). I think the only way this may happen is if I make some kind of list and post it near my bed. We'll see how that goes...

I, like most others, am ready for spring. I was trying to figure out on weather.com if this would be a good day to start getting out some spring clothes...but it didn't help much. I don't know if a week of 60 degree weather is enough to declare spring to the state.I'm gonna hold off and keep out the sweaters for another week.

Sometimes I want to go on that show "what not to wear." I don't dress that poorly, but I would love someone to teach me how to shop for my features and match things-and to dress professionally. Oh well, guess I'll have to learn as I go like everyone else.

birthday love

2009-03-21T08:32:00.001-07:00

It was my mom's birthday this past Thursday. She makes cakes for everyone's birthday so it only makes sense that she has one for hers. Now I'm a pretty decent baker. I'm learning to be a better cook. I have not grown enough to experiment with ingredients on my own. BUT, I can follow a recipe like there's no tomorrow. So..I'm making this cake with this new recipe for a tiny cake (a house of three does NOT need an entire sheet cake lying around the house!) and found what I needed on allrecipes.com

Started having a little trouble. Couldn't find sugar..yadda yadda...didn't have what we needed, couldn't make icing red like I wanted...

In the baking process, I realized whenever I bake something FOR my mom, things always go wrong. Nothing turns out right and I always have to improvise and make stuff up. By the end of the day this is how the cake turned out:

Cute, yes. I just hadn't planned on the cake looking like a ten year old made it.
But the thing is, the lesson of this whole thing, I NEVER wondered if my mom would love it. I knew even if the cake was a gray, big pile with random sprinkles, she would love it. That's how my mom is. She loves the thought and is super grateful with anything you give her.

And that's how God is. Our offerings, no matter what they are, are pretty juvenile in comparison to giving our only Son, like God did. Our presentations and sacrifices to God probably look like kindergarten finger paintings. But because God is such a unconditionally loving God, he rejoices in that. he not only accepts it, but loves it!

That's a fun image to me :)

hey look!

2009-03-17T14:37:00.000-07:00

I'm a podcast!

If you have some minutes to spare-check it out!

fast post about fasting

2009-03-10T09:45:00.001-07:00

I have stumbled upon several articles in various magazines and online blogs about liturgy and Lent and Holy Week. This is only surprising because they're not Catholic articles, and most denominations do not celebrate Lent and Holy Week. So it's been really awesome to see all of these positive things written about liturgy and the value and grace found in tradition. I could not find any of these magazine articles online, but they are from places like Relevant, and Today's Christian Woman. They have been really awesome, inspiring, honest articles, too.

Which has just got me thinking about how easy it is to take for granted the opportunity of Lent. A whole season, 40 days, to join together with millions of other people in dying to self and pressing into God. I wish the idea of "giving something up for Lent" was better understood, because there are a lot of misconceptions about it.

We give things up in order to point us to God. So-by abstaining from sweets or television or caffeine (some popular ones) the goal is to use that energy/hunger/dependence/time to switch our gears and fill that space in our lives with God. It's not about some track record to see if you actually CAN stop eating chocolate cake for over a month and then have a party and say "yay me!" at the end. I used to feel that way about fasting. I would think things like, "If I DON'T eat today, I will show God how much I love him;" "If I really stay away from food today and don't tell anyone I'm fasting, I will be one heck of a christian."

But what I failed to realize was that there is nothing replacing that void. I would just be hungry all day and keep my feelings on the inside (complaining would surely go against what Jesus told us about fasting, I felt) than I win. I did it. I accomplished something great. Food has no power over me! Looks like my priorities are in order. Take that! (Insert Rocky theme music here).

Wrong. My motivations were totally off base. We have nothing to prove to God. Nothing we do is going to make God love us more or less. Instead through fasting and abstaining from things, God just desires us to get closer to Him. To really hear what he's saying. To take a break from these things that drive us and fill our world and instead, get alone with God and really open up our hearts.

So, needless to say, my feelings towards Lent and fasting have changed. I understand that if I were to mess up one day and eat something i was trying to fast from-nobody wins or loses. That's not the important part anyway. Tomorrow is another day. All the more reason to go and be with God some more.

God Sightings

2009-02-28T20:27:00.000-08:00

Couldn't sleep last night, and while I was channel surfing trying to get myself tired, I came across this Rascal Flatts video (I do love Rascal Flatts. For awhile I thought Rascal Flatts was the name of the lead singer...not the band. So I feel way more informed knowing that it is just the name of the band.)

I know this song but honestly never put it into a faith perspective. Then, watching the video I was blown away by the context of the lyrics and the video and how it was so plainly about God loving us through other people. Now, for the record, I don't know what they are ACTUALLY singing about, but just expressing what it sounds like to me. It has lyrics like: "I drive myself crazy/Tryin' to stay out of my own way/The messes that I make/But my secrets are so safe/The only one who gets me/Yeah, you get me/It's amazing to me/Sometimes I swear/I don't know if I'm comin' or goin'/But you always say something/Without even knowin'/That I'm hangin' on to your words/With all of my might and it's alright..."
Ah! How cool! God's the only one who knows us fully and He is the only one that gets me for sure. So much about God caring about our hurting and broken hearts, and how everyday He gives us what we need to get through, to survive, to thrive even! How we have the choice, when bad things happen, to find something good in it. God leaves traces of his love and kindness all over the place. The people in this video are just loving others. Going out of their way to take care of someone else-in these cases in the video, people they don't even know. We can see God everywhere. Its just up to us to WANT to see it, and Him. To actively look for ways He is moving and working all over the place.

Children are really good at this. One of the many reason I desire to have a childlike faith. They just choose to see God everywhere and to see the fun and possibility in every person and day. I don't think that is something that has to wear off. There is a difference between being optimistic/hopeful and naive/ignorant. They are not necessarily the same thing. Just living with trust in our Father and how He promised to take care of us SHOULD be changing out outlook everyday. Not only are we incredibly taken care of, but we also have millions of opportunities to take care of others. It's so awesome to think about all the ways in which God can use us. One of my favorite lyrics from a Casting Crowns song says: "How refreshing to know you don't need me/How amazing to find that You want me..." and that always stuck with me. God doesn't need us, need us...like He can't work without us. But he so desperately WANTS to use us, for the faith and truth of others AND us. We're like Thomas, daily doubting, but the more encounters we have with God, naturally the more our faith will increase. I think every encounter and day is an opportunity to meet God through people, places and situations.

AND what's even cooler is that this theme has been popping up EVERYWHERE. Not only on tv at three in the morning, not only in songs on my IPOD, but in planning Nativity's VBS one of the main themes are things called "God sightings," where everyday children are encouraged to be on the lookout for ways in which God works each day. Whether it be through good/bad things, people, or what they learned/saw/did that day. Then they share them with their small group and the camp. This is something big they are supposed to get out of their vbs experience-to look for God sightings everyday. So-I'm going to start now.

Truth is,at the very, very least, it will probably make us a heck of a lot happier.

"A" for effort

2009-02-23T20:37:00.000-08:00

I've never been good at creating literary masterpieces-and frankly, I have quit trying. I have accepted the fact that I write the way I talk, and now that grading is out of the way (at least for now) it doesn't really matter anymore. Grammar and sentence structure and spelling have never been my thing, together with academics in general. I was the girl that studied really hard for two weeks but rarely did well on the test. Who spent hours and hours on papers and essays but almost never reached the highest percentile.

Sometimes that was really bothersome, especially watching friends and classmates who barely picked up the book received a 94%. But eventually I had to get over the fact that it wasn't about the visible result. That remembering dates and facts is not what mattered. That seeing the red "a" on the top of the paper couldn't, and shouldn't, be the goal. If it is or was, your motivation comes from approval. And that is a dangerous road...

Which has led me to further and deeper understanding of how tempting it can be to approach God like that. As a recovering "people-pleaser addict", I still find myself in situations just trying to make everyone happy, including God. And this pleasing thing is not about getting something physical in return, but instead just trying to keep everything smooth and nice and simple.

And while that can be okay sometimes with people, that kind of mindset can drive our relationship with the Lord into peril. Because then the relationship becomes conditional. You didn't keep God happy today, or you really messed up, or you missed your prayer time...and we wind up wallowing a bit and slinking down away from God. INSTEAD of running towards Him with both arms, depending on Him to lead you to the next step, and guide you on how to fix or heal from your mistake. God then becomes this unapproachable all-powerful scary God, instead of a loving Father who just wants the best for us. Who loves us especially in our weaknesses. A God who wants to hear everything, not just the parts of life we feel like we did well or succeeded in. By getting in the habit of approaching God in all areas and moods and situations, it teaches us that our ability to live and breath rests in the Lord. That it is God that formed and created us, and ultimately loves us and knows us more than anyone. It si such a powerful and real truth that is so easy to overlook.

As Lent begins I pray for my motivation in my relationship with the Lord is to be pure and emptying. God must increase and I must decrease (john 3:30).

Falling into Impulsive Book Buying

2009-02-20T07:24:00.000-08:00

This book "Falling into Love" is an incredible book, in my opinion. I originally bought it because I'm a sucker for Christian books about marriage, dating and the like. I thought it would be similar to the other ones-but I can tell you after just finishing it-it's not. The tag line said something like "Don't you love all those beautiful Christian love stories that sound like fairy tales and things seem amazing all the time? Well, this is not like that I flub up every Valentines Day and screw up romantic moments. This is the story of how some ordinary guy got an amazing wife."

That was cute enough for me to throw it in my online cart for $4 (I do that way more often than I should. Books are a serious weakness for me).

When it came in December, I read a few pages, then put it in the bin on my nightstand and didn't pick it up until about 3 weeks ago. It was then that I started to see how amazing of a book it it. I think it's incredibly insightful and brings up a lot of points that I haven't thought of before or have not heard in awhile. He tells hilarious stories without a hidden agenda. he's honest about his mistakes and the thoughts that go through his mind. He makes you feel like you know him and his wife, Lia. I really feel as though it has changed a lot of my feelings and viewpoints. It has encouraged me and made me laugh-and I can't wait to read it again.

Go read it. Tell me what you think. I'm dying to know if I'm the only one who thinks this book is genius.

Trading my Sorrows

2009-02-11T13:56:00.001-08:00

I was reading through psalms this morning, and I came across this:

For His anger is but for a moment, but His favor is for a lifetime or in His favor is life. Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. psalm 30:5 (amplified bible)

So, hold on. First off, that is a pretty cool verse. It just shows how patient God is with us, even when we repeatedly screw up and are complete losers. His anger is but a moment...demonstrating that it IS okay to get angry, and validating the fact that stuff makes us angry sometimes, which is something I sometimes forget. Face it, stuff makes us angry. But the issue with most of us is that we hold the anger in and carry it around everywhere with us. And it festers and grows and probably unleashes itself out on some unsuspecting individual. But in this case, God shows us that even though He (we) may be angry for a second, His affection for us lasts forever and never wavers.

But anyway, on a more personal note...I feel as though the Lord is playing this verse out literally in my life. Because, typically, you can read it as "the night" meaning a darker season of life and "the morning" being a season of light and brighter days.
But this verse in my life quite literally means that the nights are bad and the morning is a new start.

Most of the anxiety stuff I've been dealing with happens at night. Sometimes it's mild, sometimes it's terrible..but regardless I always feel the same. Hopeless, frustrated, defeated.
Then in the morning I wake up and usually feel the effects of the night before, but usually I put on some worship music-and it feels like none of that matters. It's just me and God and I feel renewed in the sense that Jesus has promised to take care of me and everything will be okay. Joy comes because He is there and knows my pain and feels the weight of our burdens.

I don't quite know what the demonstration of this verse means yet, but I am thankful for the revelation this morning.

bruisy knees

2009-02-08T11:35:00.001-08:00

I think this is the cutest song I have heard in a long time.

It gives me such a fun image of a cute little cartoon segment in my head.

Apple really does use great music in their commercials....

grease is the word

2009-02-07T08:21:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking more about my adaptive personality.
The way that I am adaptive is not in the positive sense. Well, maybe that's not true. Sometimes it can be good. But lately I have been thinking about how when things happen that isn't supposed to, I just go with the flow and adapt accordingly. I don't take time to figure out why it's there and how to get rid of it...I just adapt.

I don't know why I do this. But these past two years I have now noticed it has gotten me into a very difficult situation.I've changed so many tiny aspects of my life to adapt to things I am going through that I don't think twice about it. It's turned into some giant things. I don't know how to go about changing it. It's very weird.

But on the crazy exciting side...I have a two day weekend this week because I am going to see a play with some of awesome ministers turned friends today. It's very fun. I'm quite blessed with the people that have come into my life in the past year.

Must go get ready!

workety work work

2009-02-05T18:37:00.000-08:00

It's really weird when you find yourself complaining or having a bad attitude about a situation or circumstance...then when you actually take time to think about it, you really what you have is what you asked for. You actually have what you always wanted.

God has been showing me that today. It's so easy for me to stress and worry and be grumpy about certain things, or about tasks I have to do and forget how crazy it is that I get to do what I do. The fact that I have a job that I love, that works with me and my life, and has more purpose than I can even believe is crazy. It's unfair. It really is I remember thinking about when "the future" in college and wondering what my work life would be like. If I would have some sort of office or if I would have a relationship with my coworkers or if I would get to interact with people and plan "meetings" and have agendas and go to starbucks and know my coworkers orders and bring snacks in to share and have office chats and "while you were out memos" and work clothes and my own extension and lots of emails and voicemails...

and I have that. Plus way, way more. I work at a church that believes in something,stands for something and envisions something...and will stop at nothing to fulfill it. It's a different kind of church. One that above all else, desires to lead people into relationship with Christ. A place where they really care about my gifts and talents and encourages me to do only what I am gifted to do A place where my love of theater, children, and theology combine. A place where I get to minister and love teen girls every day. Where I can mentor a middle school small group and have a ton of middle and high school girls that I care about like they are my family. A place where lives are changed, and people meet Jesus and learn about God's purpose for their lives.

Right now, I would not trade it for anything I am thankful for my job. I am one truly blessed girl. Every day may bring its own trials, frustrations and warfare, but all in all I have one heck of a sweet job.

football, shmootball...

2009-01-14T18:41:00.000-08:00

My brother, nephew and dad :)

Everyone's pretty psyched about football around here. I feel like because I work for a church, I should hate it. :)

But I like the fun in it all. I like cheering and jumping up and down. I like making fun snacks... But I could not tell you more than three rules of football. I just can't catch on. I don't get it.
Ah, well.
Go Ravens, I guess?

New Cry of my Heart

2009-01-11T13:48:00.000-08:00

LOVE this song. My new favorite...

("Sing my Love" Kim Walker)

"Words can never say the way He says my name He calls me lovely. No one ever sees the way He looks at me. He sees me holy. Words can never hold His love that burns my soul...You would not believe the way He touches me, He burns right through me. I could not forget every word He said, He always knew me..."

2008 Reflections

2008-12-29T08:28:00.000-08:00

2008 Questions
this looks to be a pretty good reflection on the year, so why not?

1) What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Driven a stick shift car

2) Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I just want to continue to grow.

3) Did anyone close to you give birth?
Tom and Mia with the beautiful baby Elsa

4) Did anyone close to you die?
My uncle Bill

5) What countries did you visit?
no out of country travel in 2008! That actually does NOT make me sad.

6) What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Proactivity..or proactiveness...whatever the word is. And the ability to communicate what is on my mind

7) What date(s) from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
February 14, December 13-Santa's Whobilation

8) What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Beginning to build a children's ministry team that loves what they do and who they serve

9) Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yes, just not physically.

10) What was the best thing you bought?
My digital camera so I can capture memories. but this new macbook comes in at a close second.

11) Whose behavior merited celebration?
My coworkers for being so encouraging and working so hard

12) Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Well I'm sure there are more closer to home examples, but i guess all the people during the election who just behaved verrry badly

13) Where did most of your money go?
Student loans for sure...11 more months to go!!

14) What did you get really, really, really excited about?
well geez, that happens often. Lately? Getting to have an office I think. And getting a new carpet for Christmas. Oooh and seeing Hanson.

15) What song will always remind you of 2008?
"Pressing Into You" Isa Couvertier
"Ever the Same" Rob Thomas

16) Compared to this time last year, are you: Wiser? maybe. Healthier? physically, yes. Richer? oh no.

17) What do you wish you'd done more of?
taken walks, prayer and had more coffee chats.

18) What do you wish you'd done less of?
complaining and whining

19) How did you spend Christmas?
Christmas Eve Mass at the md state fairgrounds,

20) Did you fall in love in 2008?
i don't know what that feels like

21) What was your favorite TV program?
jon and kate plus 8

22) Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
nope

23) What was the best book you read?
Tough one...The bride by rhonda calhoun.

24) What was your greatest musical discovery?
I do love jason mraz, even though i knew him before 2008..
maybe "your love never fails" and kim walker

25) What did you want and get?
a better job description, flannel pajamas, loyal friends

26) What did you want and not get?
to be in a wedding

27) What was your favorite film of this year?
WALL*E

28) What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
23, I went to the Melting Pot with some lovely friends...SO fun!

29) Which celebrity/public figure did you like the most?
Uhh..Rick Warren?

30) How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
skirts and dresses make me feel like a lady:) Plus sparkly earring and lipgloss don't hurt, either.

31) What kept you sane?
Worship music and good friends.

32) Who did you miss?
Me. The real me

33) Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
God sees beyond where you are, the whole picture, and we have to trust His vision.

34) What did you gain this year?
A few pounds

35) What did you lose this year?
some poundage

36) Who was the best new person you met?
Hmm..Lisa Scata!

37) Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"You take all my pain, cry over it for hours 'till I'm new again...You make me new."

loving you is easy

2008-12-17T14:08:00.001-08:00

New start. I am beginning anew on many things in my life, and blogging is on the list. I tend to write blogs in my head as things happen day to day. So instead of just letting those entries swim around, I think it would be healthy for my brain if I just took a few minutes and wrote it down.

The Lord is doing a lot. I tend to find myself in desperately painful situations lately, and my heart just kind of cries. Not cry like in tears, but cries out like a longing deep within my heart that is begging desperately for a hero, a Savior, to come in and save me. The next step of these situations is learning again how to reopen my heart really allow that saving and healing to happen. I think I forgot how...it got lost in the mess somehow.

I have also been thinking about loving other people. The theme "easy love" has been popping up in several locations. I was reflecting on how some people are easy to love. It comes naturally, and freely and its refreshing and renewing to be around them...because they are just easy to adore. Then there are some people who are not easy to love. It's a daily struggle and it's difficult and sometimes doesn't work and we want to just run away and quit. I don't know why this is, but i think God puts purpose in it. The message at nativity was about this in a way a few weeks ago...no coincidence there.

But here's the thing. i don't think this means we love those "hard to love" people any less. I think it makes our heart grow and mature when we continue to surround ourselves both with people easy and difficult to love. I think Jesus puts those people in our lives so that we may learn about sacrificial love..and the times he loves us when we don't deserve love..or when we're "hard to love"...

So Relevant...

2008-10-25T09:46:00.001-07:00

I just absolutely love RELEVANT magazine. I have subscribed off and on to it for about four years, but it is such an incredible magazine. There is always articles that I can relate to (or...are relevant...to my life..ha!). I just read the magazine I get over and over again, filled with new insight every time. There are such a variety of authors who come from all different backgrounds and insights and opinions. Anyways, I have only read one article fro the current magazine and it's already the best issue I have read. Way to go, RELEVANT...

Makes me wanna...have pink custard!

2008-10-23T15:07:00.001-07:00

Election stuff is driving me crazy! I'm trying to be informed and make the best decision-but it's all just driving me mad. All the twisted words, lying and fancy politics is making me a bit grumpy. I kind of just want it to over-but before that happens, I have to decide who to vote for. I keep reading crazy stuff!

But on the other side: this was our dessert Monday. Doesn't it look BEAUTIFUL!

Wisdom

2008-10-21T14:50:00.000-07:00

My friend Brian sent me this today-and it is chock full of smartness...and some Holy Spirit too!

What’s the best way to confront? James 1:19 teaches three rules for confrontation. Everyone should be:

· Quick to listen,

· Slow to speak, and

· Slow to become angry.

If you’re quick to listen and if you’re slow to speak, you’ll automatically be slow to anger.

What are you listening for? You are listening for the hurt in that person. Hurting people always hurt other people. When someone is being a jerk, more than likely it’s because that person is hurting. When you understand their hurt a bit, you have a better understanding of why they do what they do, and you’re a little more patient with them.

Understanding always brings patience. When we don’t understand things, we’re impatient. When we understand them, we’re much more patient.

::sigh::

I love concerts...

2008-10-19T19:33:00.000-07:00

I just saw Hanson in concert...again.
Okay, for the tenth time.I confess, but proudly.

They are just crazy amazing, and represent a huge part of my teen/yougn adult years.
In so many ways, I feel like they are friends I grew up with, because their music has made such an impact on me. Check out this quote:

Music is a language and that it allows you to speak to one another in a way that nothing else does. That it makes you feel alive in a different way. I think everybody feels that. I think that anyone who's ever been “yeah I love that song!” Cause I know that pretty much everybody at some point in their life has had that moment. Somebody who’s listened to a song and its kinda made them choke up like they were having this thing in their life and this song came on, and whether they were willing to admit it or not they had that moment, that was the same moment the guy who wrote it was having.

That’s what’s so cool about music, it’s your own without you always having to write it. Somehow music has this ability to pierce into your soul and become yours, and that’s why I think people get so passionate about music. I feel that way about other people’s music in the same way, if not more so than I do about my own.-Isaac Hanson

Nicest Thing

2008-10-09T19:58:00.000-07:00

Sweet song. Even sweeter animation.
Stuck in my head...

He keeps going and going and going...

2008-09-30T18:43:00.000-07:00

It blows my mind how constantly active God is. I really can't understand it. I'm just trying to comprehend how God never tires or never stops working and pouring love on us.

Like, we can definitely see it and feel it and describe it better when we are in good shape and things are going well and we're feeling joyful or happy.but even when we're not...God is constantly moving. Doing great big God things and teeny waves of love, mercy and graces...it's so...consistent and permanent and just...happening all the time.

And as I edit this, I was writing to a good friend of mine and talking about how we can feel like we're just uable to be used and so still and worthless..and how God uses those times. So even when you may feel like you can't move (like someone who is paralyzed) GOD is still moving everywhere and all around us.

As always, God has brought lovely songs into my life at just the appropriate time. I just shared this with a friend, because God always connects her and I through music. It's called "amazed" by lincoln brewster (or by desperation band) Here are the lyrics:

You dance over me
while I am unaware
You sing all around but I never hear the sound

(chorus)
Lord I'm amazed by You
Lord I'm amazed by You
Lord I'm amazed by You
And how You love me

You paint the morning sky
with miracles in mind
My hope will always stand
For You hold me in Your hand

How deep how wide
How great is Your love for me

here is a video of the song, in case you want to hear it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQAPMRpNoe8

Crazy Beautiful

2008-09-17T20:32:00.000-07:00

The other day it occured to me that at this current moment my parents go out more than I do. It seems when I come home from work, they're out gallavanting and out until early morning hours on the weekends, when I am already sleeping.
So first I thought, should this bother me? I'm 23-shouldn't I be going out all the time, trying new places, going three states away on a moments notice, barely getting any sleep and enjoying being slightly irresponsible from time to time?

After thinking about this for a few minutes, I realized I couldn't figure out why i felt weird about this. I mean, it only occured to me that this could be strange only because of the standard culture has set for me, and for us. In actuality, it doesn't really matter. Who cares if I'm different than most people my age? It wouldn't be the first time for sure.

The thing is, God wires us so individually and intricately. The utter joy of Him loving us all the same and loving us completely with a non judgemental attitude is crazy awesome. I mean, everyone wants to be loved unconditionally. Every single person wants soemone to accept them even if, like me, they LIKE staying home on a Friday (or in the case at our work-Thursday) night. Or even if they are complete nerds who get excited over teensy things and talk to themselves and sing way too loud and plays music everywhere she goes.

And God does. 100% completely and abundantly. He doesn't care your status, or how you stack up or compare to other people. He wants you to be you, and me to be me. I think that's what makes His heart jump with joy. When He looks down and sees His kids playing around, being comfortable and accepting with who He made us to be, while running hard to be closer to our Creator. To Him, that is beautiful in a crazy, silly, perfectly created way.

I want to live to make Him smile.

Yours, Mine and Ours

2008-09-03T19:33:00.000-07:00

God has been showing me a lot about selfishness, and the causes and effects of it. What is the big thing about claim and ownership? I am facinated by how possessive we can be when it comes to material items, people, and places. We put so much of our energy and our effort into what BELONGS to us and what is rightfully ours. Which, of course, only makes us want more things. We say things like "this is MY seat," "that was MY sandwich" "this is MY song," "well, this is my house," "she's MY mother". I don't know, it is just really hitting me hard how often we decide only to deal with what is ours and only ours. This, to me only creates more division. Becuase, okay you have this mercedes and I have a ford. Therefore we are divided by not only our ability to speed down the highway, but also our financial status. I don't know how this could possibly be fixed, but I feel as though the less we begin to care about what's really ours, the more we can learn about unity and encouragment. Say someone's hurting, either physically or emotionally. Well, shes not MY friend...who cares?! Help her anyway! Trash all over the sidewalk you're walking on?...'well it's not MY trash." so what? pick it up! It's more then taking responsibility, it's surrendering our self inflicted status of living! It is the essence of compassion! Helping our everyone and anyone without any sneaky intention, because in your life you will be there, too!
We misconstrue this concept of freedom all too often. God gave it this freedom not to separate us from Him, but to draw us closer! "You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love." -- Galatians 5:13! We are called to serve for the glory of God! What we do to ourselves will take an effect on us. We must be spiritually alert and not be lukewarm! We must take steps forward and persevere! It takes work. But if it means I get to be closer to God, then Lord please-take ALL OF MY TIME! Anytime spent not glorifying You and serving You and loving You is *W*A*S*T*E*D. You are unlike anything on earth.You're more satisfying, more loving, more powerful, more merciful, more rightousness then any of MY peers.

Being Made New..again and again...

2008-08-30T18:16:00.000-07:00

A lot of time in writing, it is when God reveals His glory. It's when he clicks in the pieces of the puzzle that confuse me and don't make sense. He blows open my whole perspective and flips things upside down so that, even just for a moment, I may have a glimpse of things through His eyes. The more writing I can motivate myself to do, the better. I think writing in a blog is also a good way to encourage and to stay accountable and to share Christ with an online community.

Our God is such a big God. It's silly, sometimes when I sin and do things I know aren't best, I just really get so bogged down in how I disappointed God, and how He's gonna "like me less then He did yesterday." But man, God's love is not like a fluctuating thing. If I think about it, we did absolutely nothing to deserve His love in the first place. The amazing unconditional thing was just given to us for NOTHING that we did. We are ridiculously unoworthy to begin with. So, we did not and could not do anything to EARN this love, therefore we can not do anything to take it away. I hear this again and again and again but rarely does it impact my heart.

I guess the only time we really get clouded and think God's love is lessening is when we let the devil take over. He makes our unworthiness clearer to us, and just makes us feel like such awful people. But, like the verse says, once we become "in Christ" meaning developing a clearer and deeper relationship with Him through baptism, we ARE MADE NEW! That's so cool! It's like, literally, we are completely washed away of all the bad side effects of our mistakes. The Lord knows we are going to make them, but His love is like a steel wall that could NEVER EVER be broken or even cracked. When I really relax in God's presence, there is a peace that completely passes anybody's understanding. It cannot be described, but it is amazin, and God just pours out His presence to me, and I'm so grateful for those times. I'm gonna do stuff thats not good, and I have to forget what other people are gonna think. I mean, honestly, we will NEVER suffer as Christ did, and yet we are so scared to cause a lil commotion. If I could not find any other reason, I just want people to feel the peace that I know. Because that love that I feel, God has for everyone. It's amazin! We're so lucky to have such a loving Father.