beauty for ashes

I've been a weak follower after the Lord...but I am also learning that is all He needs. Sometimes I have the attitude of hiding and waiting to come to the Lord once I have recovered and gotten myself under control. This is NOT the way to go to our most Holy God with a genuine and hungry spirit. It is not God's will for us to calm our own fears and soothe ourselves with our own "it'll be alrights...". There's not excuse why I feel sometimes I have to be presentable before God, because whenever I'm not is when He works the deepest Really, I'm just prolonging healing processes. To open up the door even a little bit..God amazes me with results...even when I don't see or hear Him.

Lately, God has been challenging me to let go of my old way of life...even if I thought it was fine and under control. I think i get so consumed with things being smooth and reaching a certain level in order for our lives to be an "appropriate Christian girl" and if there is anything that has been turned upside down for the past two years it's that. I have been so wrapped up in issues .....my heart can't find rest. Before I sleep it takes at least an hour for my heart to slow...and i have been falling asleep trying to clear my mind and put it at rest. Anxiety can be the perfect obstacle to keep us from resting in the Lord. The Lord sometimes talks to me through my journal. Like, I'll be writing, and then all of sudden my hands are flailing about the page and I have no idea what I'm writing about (which sounds creepy, but it's not). Then I re-read, and it's the Lord speaking deeply to my heart through my own hand. As of late, this is what the Lord has been telling me:

"Will you quit working so hard to restore things to the way they were? These changing relationships, these new problems, these unforeseen circumstances, these obstacles to your passions-they are part of My new life for you. Let Me do something new and change things around. Open your mouth and heart -that's all I ask of you. Lock eyes with Me, and I will put in you a new song! You cannot receive it by flailing about and crying about changes and loneliness...that will make it harder for you to learn, to sing back to me...I have many things planned for you-Get up, my daughter, it is time for a new melody, a new dance a new spirit..."

He calls us to be His chosen one: "They were singing (what seemed to be) a new hymn before the throne, before the four living creatures and the elders. No one could learn this hymn except the hundred and forty-four thousand who had been ransomed from the earth" (rev 14:3).

The psalms go on and on and on abut new songs, and I am learning what that can mean and what power that can have...He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.(psalm 40:3)

God's good....I am learning to trust that God sends love before you hit empty...and that God never wastes a hurt. :) So-praise Him for faithfulness, discipline and power...and the fact that He remembers our promises and does not let us forget them!

ps: below is the current "song of my heart". I couldn't find a video of it except of this guy playing it on guitar (download it, because you can't hear it that well). It's called "So good to me" by Cory Asbury, and the words are amazing... it's basically sung scripture...I just love it. Checkout these lyrics:

"I waited patiently upon the Lord And He inclined and heard my cry

He pulled me up out of the miry clay He set my feet upon a rock

He gave me, beauty for ashes And joy for my mourning And praise for heaviness

He put a new song in my mouth And a crown upon my head

He gave me life forevermore

Hes been so good, so so good to me

So good, so so good to me, so good so so good to me Jesus

Cause He picked me up and He turned me around

And He placed my feet on the solid ground

Hallelujah, Hallelujah "