Gemstones

I have been thinking a lot about senses and how much we rely on them. So when we go through phases where we don’t seem to be able to “feel God” it FEELS like it may as well be the end. As if God has suddenly forgotten us and we are left alone because “the feeling we had once” is suddenly there. It can be terrifying, disappointing and extremely unsettling. And sometimes we can get so upset and feel so ridiculous for feeling upset...and it goes round and round…
But God is there, too. Even when emotions seem so petty and wasteful. Even when it seems so difficult to just say "I place this in Your hands, and I do not WANT this in my life." Even when we consider options we know will never do us any good, and sometimes go THROUGH with them, He's still there, holding your hand. And I'm just so grateful for that. The mere action of just being there. Not in a scolding, "you-know-better-then-this" kind of way, but a loving, "i-know-you're-struggling-i-will-help-you-if-you-let-me" kind of way.
And he puts people there to help, too. I believe that there are people in our life who are steady, consistent parts of us, who keep adding wonderful things to our life, and who keep challenging us to reach our full potential. These people are gemstones, who show us God's love in fullest 'on earth' potential. I am so grateful for these people, and I want to spend more time figuring out who they are.
I hold onto past memories and past mistakes like its nobodys buisness. No matter how much I feel like I have let them go and let God fully take over my heart-I haven't. But also, every time I stumble and fall, I'm getting closer. Oddly enough, I can also feel my little struggles preparing me for future things. And even though those things (the ones I’ve experienced/experiencing) are crazy hard, it brings a purposeful feeling. And while that could scare me, it's actually very comforting to know how closely and tenderly God is looking out for me.
That's just how God is, though. He lets us go enough to let us learn everything He wants us to, but also keeps His hand out to catch us when He knows we need help. He fills us with His love when we fail, and constantly encourages us to renew our self-esteem-no matter what the outcome. He is the true image of parenting at its absolute best. ...reason number 38,543,345,219 to love life and the amazing Lord who put us here:)

I'm tryin' my best!