let us fall more in love with You

We were talking about fellowship at Nativity last weekend, and after hearing the message I felt in desperate need of some fellowship. I had been missing it lately.

SO, I headed over to this incredible prayer group I had been attending off and on for 9 years (!). But I hadn't been in 2 years or something ridiculous. It's a multi-denominational charismatic prayer group, and last night I was made aware of many things and experienced many emotions.

First it felt strange, because a lot of the people who attend are a part of this community that are very tight knit group who know each others life stories and live next door to each other. Growing up through high school, I always wanted to fit in and be a part of this incredible group that cared and prayed over and for each other daily-like, for real! Prayer was not taken lightly or in a joking manner. I desperately wanted to feel like I belonged and I was able to bring something to the table. I felt as though I always came and took everything in and received, but rarely was able to give. But I understand that was my role at the time. However, it always felt a bit awkward stepping into this history that everyone has.

God moved so in so many crazy ways through those prayer meetings. They are so important to me and my faith journey. I know I met and knew God growing up at Nativity, but he BLEW ME AWAY when I met Him in full fledged worship with these groups of people. I think singing out to God is the way I most connect with Him, the way my heart feels explosive and on fire and His voice is heard so clearly and constantly. It's where I recognize who I am and whose I am, and I can be completely honest with Him.

So, I've missed that to say the least. But anyways, first it felt weird because I had not been here in awhile. And the people there, as amazing as they are, don't really know anything about me. But then I decided, that is kind of nice. It's nice not only to meet new people, but also to be a fellow worshipper without all the other stuff. I met some really lovely new people, and was just so blown away by their friendly hearts.

They listened when I talked. They answered my questions and asked me ones back. They were genuinely interested. We talked about theology and faith and the church and music and worship. I know these sound like basic things but I had really been missing this. A lot of my relationships are on the blink right now, (for reasons I cannot understand or control) and I'm learning how to surround myself with people who love and build me up and who I can pour out love to as well. I am trying to be a better steward of my time and share it with people more purposefully.

Life is too short to worry about the yucky things that happen, the friendships that are lost or estranged, and the things that just don't work out as you hoped. (Much easier said than done, I understand). I want to be an avid seeker of what Christ has to share with me (and us) on a daily basis, as I used to. THAT is a great use of my time. Constantly seeking. Awakening the hunger within me to find new ways God shows himself to me and speak the words He gives me to speak. I want to live as though I am hopelessly, recklessly crazy in love with God-because I am. :)

If all this great stuff came out of one prayer meeting, clearly this means I need to get myself there each week, right? YES.

I think one of the goals we should have is to realize how we best worship God. Where is our home base, where we can rest and yet open ourselves up to God in such a big way? It's different for different people, there is no right answer.But for me, it's corporate worship. So I have to do whatever I can to make sure THAT is happening.

ps: we sung this song last night at prayer meeting, and its one of my current favorites. It's sung by many folks, but I'm currently loving this one:
"We wanna know how high how deep how wide his love, love, love..."